Complaints by cruise ship passengers include one by a woman who moaned about the sea being "too loud", it has been revealed.
And a couple accused a captain of being "rude" for sailing off when they had left a note saying they needed more sightseeing time in port, according to cruise travel agency bonvoyage.co.uk.
One woman, having seen that Take That star Gary Barlow had been on her ship on an earlier trip, demanded an explanation as to why the singer was not on her voyage.
Then there was the man who complained about not getting "an impressive tan" and being unable to swim in the pool each day while on a trip around... Alaska.
A woman travelling with the company called Celebrity Cruises asked for a refund as there were "no celebrities on board", while a Yorkshire couple wanted compensation after forking out "a lot more money than planned" on staff tips due to the excellent service.
The woman who complained about the loudness of the sea said she had not been able to sleep well on her Mediterranean cruise. She demanded cabins be "better sound-proofed against the sounds of the sea".
Another female traveller, having booked an inside cabin, then complained about not having a view of the sea and asked for a window to be installed.
Bonvoyage.co.uk cruise development manager Steph Curtin said: "From time to time we come across a few quirky complaints that we can do little to help.
"I'm afraid we can't be held responsible for the sea being too loud or the lack of celebrities on board."