Anita Rani Russian for Strictly exit as Katie manages to waltz off with place in final
Here is the news, read by Katie Derham. The frivolous crime squad is investigating an apparent case of highway robbery on last night's Strictly Come Dancing which left Countryfile presenter Anita Rani out in the cold.
With one week to go, she and Russian partner Gleb Savchenko, who will now have to find the buttons for those shirts he nearly wore for the past few months, were turfed out when they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
Now, far be it from me to hint at any skulduggery, but this is the BBC and they are repeat offenders (pun intended), but how Derham, who scored a four from one of the judges in her Charleston, the first of her two dances on Saturday, made it to the final is almost as credible as Tyson Fury leading next year's Belfast Pride parade.
Further evidence can be collected from the witness statements of the judges, with Bruno Tonioli telling her she was a 'bit loosey goosey' who I believe has already confirmed for next year's parade as Fury's plus one.
Craig Revel Horwood, owner of the aforementioned four, and let's face it, if you fall down the stairs you would get at least a four, also had few words of encouragement, adding: "I hope your next dance is perfect because I can't see that dance getting into the final."
Rani's first dance of the night was a Foxtrot to New York, New York, which Tess Daly said was a "fitting tribute on what would have been Frank Sinatra's 100th birthday" and the clues to her fate were there, as while she may have wanted to be part of it, news was starting to spread that she would be leaving soon. Derham's waltz for the second dance of the evening with Anton Du Beke was a more natural fit for the newsreader turned BBC Proms presenter, with a bit of classical music in the melodic dumdidumdiness of O Mio Babbino Caro by Puccini, better known to you and me as the music from the Godfather.
You get the feeling that when the judges awoke yesterday morning they were met by part of an equine chum on the pillow next to them, which is probably not as terrifying a thought as finding Du Beke's head beside you. It would certainly have less teeth …
And there was to be a repeat for both couples last night, as having finished bottom of a leaderboard topped by EastEnders' Kellie Bright, with Jay McGuiness and Georgia May Foote in hot pursuit, the dance-off was a second helping of Puccini followed by a saucy Salsa from Rani to the less melodic strains of Feel This Moment by Pitbull.
Derham was inspired on her second tilt at the waltz, while Rani, who spent most of her dance being worn as a hat by Savchenko, was probably put off by the noise of Du Beke starting up a chainsaw and pointing at the judges.
Craig stuck to his guns and plumped for Rani, but the other three, terrified another four-legged friend would be slain in the name of dance, chickened out and gave Derham the thumbs up.
So, against all odds, she has made it and will now have to get used to that four as, let's face it, unless Du Beke turns up with more heads than a Worzel Gummidge convention, that's where she's going to finish.
As for Rani, she is to team up with her sister for a new spin-off series called The Two Ranis next year to fill the Saturday night schedule, where they spend the entire season being straddled by a strange Russian man with a penchant for showing off his chest.
I think this was a sketch by the Two Ronnies but, as I said earlier, they like a repeat on the Beeb.