Oliver Parker's dismal public-school caper doesn't even have the decency to be camp. Rupert Everett donning a Margaret Thatcher-style wig simply doesn't cut it.
In fact, Colin Firth, David Tennant and Gemma Arterton hang your heads in collective shame for contributing to this rot. The plot? The schoolgirls – who all appear to be in their late twenties – are on the hunt for buried treasure after they discover that their Headmistress, Miss Fritton (Everett), is the descendant of a pirate. The original St Trinian's escapades were blessed with an anarchic spirit and deft, inimitable comic actors such as Alastair Sim and Joyce Grenfell. This sequel has nothing to recommend it.