Belfast Telegraph

Tuesday 16 September 2014

DVD: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (12)

Kristen Stewart's Bella Swan is, like, bummed out 'cos her "hot" young/old bloodsucker beau Edward (Robert Pattinson) has gone and left her – "This is the last time you'll ever see me," he solemnly promises. Yeah, right.

Every time Bella's in peril – which is quite often – Ed's vision pops up to impart some hopeless advice. In Ed's absence moping Bella hooks up with Jake (Taylor Lautner), who happens to be a werewolf and seems incapable of keeping his shirt on; not that any, you know, SEX happens here. No this adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's bestseller is like an episode of Dawson's Creek, only more chaste and with any hint of humour sucked out. A creepy opening sequence, but a dire sequel.

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Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes by Russell Grant

Virgo:

You'll have to make an emotional appeal to your boss. Unless things change, you might have to find another job. You're a very tolerant person, but you can't handle toxic behaviour. A colleague who takes great pleasure in making everyone feel miserable should be reprimanded. Make it clear you aren't the only person who is suffering from their abuse. Explain how this bully is ruining morale. It's a system wide problem that needs to be nipped in the bud.More