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Strictly speaking, Jay McGuiness not the ending we all Wanted

By Billy Weir

Published 21/12/2015

Jay McGuiness, who along with his partner Aliona Vilani, were the winners of Strictly Come Dancing
Jay McGuiness, who along with his partner Aliona Vilani, were the winners of Strictly Come Dancing
Jay McGuiness, who along with his partner Aliona Vilani, were the winners of Strictly Come Dancing

Jay McGuiness may be the new Strictly Come Dancing champion but the man from The Wanted finds himself a wanted man with many people, who can't see the difference between reality and losing the run of yourself, on the rampage.

Hordes of angry sequin-clad natives have been spotted sashaying towards the BBC with blazing glitterballs on poles and bandying words such as disgrace, injustice and down with that sort of thing.

Yes, Kellie Bright probably should have won and an EastEnders landlady hasn't had such a gunk at this time of the year since Den handed Angie the divorce papers, but let's face facts here - this is how democracy works, everybody gets what not everybody wanted.

But as Danny, Dyer not O'Donnell, who had reappeared for the final night with all his fellow stars who had been culled by judges carrying a bunch of daffodils earlier, prepares to go and sort a few people out to right the wrongs of his screen missus and we all wonder why the woman who plays Linda Carter didn't win, the message is simple - it's not real.

When the show is stolen by a septuagenarian woman armed only with a Victoria sponge then maybe it's time to calm down, take a quickstep back, open a can of Tango and remind ourselves that Mary Berry seemed jolly happy with how things went.

Things weren't a piece of cake (do you see what I did there?) for Jay on the night as he was asked to kick things off by revisiting the scene of his crime from earlier on in the competition when his quickstep wasn't quite up to speed.

However, this time round while he was better, his partner, Aliona Vilani, slipped up in her sling-backs. But four nines kicked things off very nicely and moments later he was joined at the top by Georgia May Foote, the Corrie actress also notching up 36 points.

Something had to give and it did, Bright's tango hitting perfection with even Craig Revel-Horwood, a man who seems as likely as Nigel Farage to reach No.10, holding his wee double-digited panel up and then quickly putting it away again when Katie Derham appeared to be patronised for being lovely.

They still had another dance to go before the lovely Katie, sorry, the person with the least votes, was chucked out and off we went with the show-stoppers with McGuiness, the first man to appear on primetime in a vest since Rab C Nesbitt, kicking things off.

It didn't go well - the judges, who clearly hadn't got a nibble of Berry's buns during the break, in a bit of a mood being deeply unimpressed by his compilation and giving him 35 points.

Foote followed with another 36 and before Bright did it again, her Lindy Hop scoring another perfect 40 before the lovely Katie was made to go again for another 31 points, which isn't great but more than Chelsea.

Unsurprisingly, when we came back after the votes had been cast, Ukip, which stands for Unfortunately Katie Is Poor (other P words are available), was first past the post and out on her lovely ear.

Then we were back again, McGuiness reprising what he thought was his best dance of the series and we all wondered why he wasn't dressed like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction because that was clearly his best dance.

It got him 39 points, but perfection returned when Georgie performed her best dance again and got 40 for it and a McGuiness hasn't been as deflated since Martin learned who his new dance partner is at Stormont.

And just when you were longing to see something to do with Star Wars because it hasn't been mentioned at all recently, up popped Bright with a light sabre, but this time the forty was not with her as nasty Craig deducted her a point for strapping two of Mary's buns to the side of her head.

So it was all over bar the shouting, Kellie well in front with Jay bringing up the rear and all we needed was the great unwashed to cast their votes to ensure Bright was the lady in power. Only they didn't.

"I feel spaced out and weird," muttered a bemused McGuiness at the end, and he wasn't the only one. Anyhow, must go, I'm away to light my glitterball, I have a wanted man to track down.

Belfast Telegraph

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