Dating show serves up a delicious menu of first encounters
I love First Dates - there's something appallingly compelling about watching car crash first encounters. There's also the melty moments when two random souls click like a Geiger counter at Fukushima.
The most fun part though is witnessing the breathtaking range of deluded men who waddle, saunter and slime their way into the First Dates restaurant and how fabulous maitre d' Fred Sirieix has them sized up with the slightest twitch of an eyebrow.
And speaking of eyebrows, there was one horror this week that shone above all. Frankie sashayed in looking like my sister's gay best friend, groomed to within an inch of his life and with eyebrows that surely had their own postcode. He hadn't just filled them in, he'd grouted and pebble-dashed them as well.
"I used to be called Frankie Eyebrows because I used to have massive eyebrows," he revealed, leaving most viewers astounded as to the "used to" part. His co-eater, fashion designer Laura, kept a polite silence about them until he started to demonstrate signs that he was also an excruciating date who wasn't just in the closet, but appeared to have mislaid the key also. Finally she snapped: "You come in here with Kim Kardashian's eyebrows." But it didn't seem to register with the self-absorbed Frankie. Almost as funny was banker Joe (that's not rhyming slang), who seemed to believe he looked like James Bond. "I get that a lot," he confided, leaving viewers querying as to which James Bond he was on about. None of them was my guess.