Jennifer Hudson has revealed that trying to make her mum proud is what's kept her going since her mother, brother and nephew were murdered.
The singer and actress, who has repeatedly declined to talk publicly about the October 2008 attacks, spoke on The Oprah Winfrey Show about the drive that got her back on stage just months after the tragedy.
"I try to do everything to say, 'Ok, will my mother like this? Will she be pleased? Will she be proud of that? How do I know she's happy and she's smiling down at me from heaven?'" Jennifer said. "And that's what I try to go by and walk by."
The tearful singer said she could hear the voices of her brother and mother telling her to "knock it off," stop crying and keep going.
In October 2008, the bodies of her mother, Darnell Hudson Donerson, and brother, Jason Hudson, were found in the family's Chicago home.
The body of her 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, was found days later in a sport utility vehicle about 10 miles away. All three had been shot.
The estranged husband of Jennifer Hudson's sister Julia is charged with first-degree murder in the killings.
"It's such a shocking thing... it's a lot to take in. It's like, 'OK, is this real? Did this really happen?' It's hard to put it in sync with reality," the 29-year-old said.
The slimmed down mum-of-one also said her fiance David Otunga has had trouble adjusting to the attention other men are paying her since she lost weight.
She added: "It's like a brand new me... sometimes I don't even recognize myself."