Belfast Telegraph

Take That joke tops cracker poll

A joke about Take That has topped a poll of modern Christmas cracker quips.

Amateur wits and comedians were challenged to write their own jokes to liven up the usual offerings after previous research revealed that most people find cracker gags outdated.

As well as a joke about Jason Orange quitting Take That, the list features witticisms about Ukip, U2's free album giveaway, biting Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez and TV shows Game Of Thrones and The Great British Bake-Off.

Around 2,000 British adults voted for the top 10 from a shortlist compiled by judges for TV channel Gold.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau said: "This year's top 10 confirmed what I always suspected - that there are comedians everywhere.

"The entrants came up with quips that were cheeky, smart and snappy, the perfect combination for the perfect Christmas cracker joke."

:: The top 10 funniest jokes for 2014

1. What will be missing from Take That's Christmas stocking this year?

An Orange.

2. How does Luis Suarez like his Christmas dinner?

Bite-sized.

3. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?

Game Of Thrones.

4. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?

"Get out of my face."

5. Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron?

He's got two parties to organise.

6. What's the difference between Bono and Santa?

Santa gives you things you want.

7. Why won't Santa visit Nigel Farage?

Because he only comes if you sleep, not if Ukip.

8. Why are snowmen rubbish at cricket?

They're always bowling snow-balls.

9. I got a Ukip advent calendar. It's rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut.

10. Why is The Great British Bake-Off like the nativity?

Because the Star is in the Yeast.

:: The witticisms that just missed out on the top spots include:

Why were Santa's helpers in hiding this year? Their naked Elfies were leaked.

Why won't Santa leave Chris and Gwyneth with his reindeer and sleigh? In case they consciously uncouple.

What girl band sells the cheapest variety of Christmas food? Lidl Mix.

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