Cat Power was dull, Amy even duller, Kate Nash a washout and The Prodigy an embarrassment ... but Kings of Leon, Black Kids and Rage Against The Machine saved the day. Forget everything you’ve heard — here’s the definitive Oxegen review. The man with the notebook and pen? Edwin McFee

Hello mum, it’s me, yeah, 25th from the left in the 22nd row, no, over here, wearing a sarong ... yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to youFriday, July 11

The Friday leg kicked off at 5pm, and we got there nice and early to see Aussie outfit Sparkadia in the New Band tent.

As soon as we arrived on site we were greeted with the craziest mix of people we’ve ever seen and you know what? We loved it. As well as catching a sight of one of our favourite super-heroes Captain America, we also spotted Spider-Man, Batman and Iron Man as well as a whole platoon of Power Rangers. Shouldn’t they be off saving the world or something? More to the point — won’t those all-in-one leotard costumes start to seem like a bad idea two days in?

Anyway, Sparkadia were workmanlike to say the least, so off we popped to see those queens of sauce, The Sugababes. I love a bit of hook-laden pop music and the babes played a belter. The camera man seemed to love them too, but perhaps for different reasons, as he seemed to constantly focus on singer Amelle’s high heels. As Harry Hill would say — dirty boy!

After a quick look at the utterly over-hyped noodle-rock of Battles on the Pet Sounds stage, we left early in the hopes that Belgium berserkers Deus would fare better. Sadly they didn’t, as their kooky yet twisted set seemed lost in the open air. Same goes for Paddy Casey, whose set made this year’s Big Brother seem like the most exciting thing in the world in comparison.

Still, I can’t complain too much as I caught a world-class performance from Interpol on the Main Stage shortly afterwards. Paul Banks’ mob gave an arresting performance on the night and his heartbroken melodies sounded perfect in such a unique setting, with Obstacle No 1 easily one of the weekend highlights.

We ended up missing the first few songs from Kings Of Leon in order to catch Cat Power (aka Chan Marshall) over in the Pet Sounds tent. She was on at the very apt time of the witching hour and if you don’t know much of Ms Marshall’s work let us just say that she has a voice like melted chocolate and sings deliciously dark songs soaked in whiskey and wisdom. Oh yeah, she’s also a bit of a lunatic too and has been known to play only one song before running off-stage in a panic, so a Cat Power show can always be a bit hit or miss.

We’d heard that the singer has now gotten over her love affair with the bottle and kicked the drugs too, so we were hoping for something special. Sadly, what we got was Chan hobbling around like an old woman as her band tried their best to muffle out her one-of-a-kind voice. It was a bit painful to watch to be honest and quite frankly it bummed us out a little.

Though we hate to admit it, Cat Power was more fun when she was a lush.

But it’s not all doom and gloom as Kings of Leon’s headline performance perked us up rightly as the Followill boys played a blinder. Note-perfect throughout, KOL singer Caleb grinned at us as thousands of punters sang along to his good ol’ boy anthems as if they’d known them all their lives.

Just before his band unleashed a savage rendition of Charmer, he told us that he would always remember the night for as long as he lived and toasted us with a glass of whiskey. How apt.

Best song of the weekend was a beautiful rendition of Knocked Up which came complete with a glittering back-drop, and as they waved farewell we got the feeling we had witnessed something truly special.

Saturday, July 12

Saturday was probably the biggest day of the weekend as we ran around like lunatics trying to catch everything.

Highlights (and low-lights) from early on included a great set by that chanteuse Camille O’Sullivan who treated us to a strip-tease during her show and a Brian Jonestown Massacre performance which was flaccid hippy nonsense.

We missed The Tings Tings because the tent was rammed to the rafters (where were all these fans when they played the Mandela Hall to six people earlier this year, eh?) but it wasn’t all bad as we fell in love with the soon-to-be-huge Mindless Self-Indulgence, whose bassist Lyn-Z is a future pin-up in the making. In fact we’re so enamoured with her we’re convinced we’re going to marry her even though she’s already betrothed to that bloke from My Chemical Romance.

The rest of the media luvvies finally made their way out of the backstage bar for five minutes to catch Amy Winehouse with the

rest of us on Saturday afternoon and while reports will have you believe it was the best show ever, here’s the real verdict on the performance.

While her singing was pretty solid throughout, it was a totally lifeless gig. The songs were meandering, the backing band looked on edge and the ‘jazz club’ noodlings were pretty boring.

I loved Back To Black as much as the next bloke but watching Amy constantly rubbing her nose (hmmm, I wonder why?) and looking as confused as ever while the middle-class, middle-of-the-road audience gave her ever-so-polite golf claps made me wish she’d just get her act together and go back to rehab instead.

Still, we did get to see the real stars of the weekend in the New Band tent afterwards — Scandinavian types Alphabeat. Simply put, this had everything I love from a live gig — great tunes, bags of energy and a receptive crowd. Yes, it was cheesier than a Keith Chegwin box-set, but it was also full of charisma.

Black Kids were another act that rocked and this time next year they’ll be main stage contenders, mark our words.

REM’s Saturday night slot was an odd one. To be honest, I’ve never really gotten Michael Stipe as a singer. His uber-earnest schtick always leaves me feeling a little cold but the crowd adore him and Losing My Religion even had this doubter considering I may end up being a convert before all’s said and done.

The Prodigy, however, were absolute trunks. It’s odd how a band who were supposedly so cutting edge 15 years ago now sound as hip as a Shakin’ Stevens record. In fact, as Maxim Reality told the audience that “the night is still young,” this writer heard one clued-in heckler shout “Unlike yourself, big lad.” Too true.

Sunday, July 13

Sunday wasn’t exactly a day of rest as we were up bright and early to see The Subways over on the 02 Stage.

After a series of false-starts throughout their career, it looks like they may finally be getting back on track, with frontman Billy Lunn being a particular star. Ultimately they will never be the huge rock gods they obviously yearn to be unless they write better songs though.

Next up it was Revenge of the Nerds Part Two as everyone’s favourite wallflowers, The Hold Steady, made their return to Oxegen in the Green Room. Playing material from their brand, spanking, new record Stay Positive, the band are on fire as they bashed out

their bar-room anthems to the boozy massive, and while this writer will never truly love their Springsteen-isms, I can see why people see them as a band to believe in.

Talking about bands to believe in, our very own Fighting With Wire were in sterling form in the IMRO stage despite Cahir’s new Seventies porn star moustache. The Londonderry trio only played for half an hour but it was powerful, life-affirming stuff.

Frizzy haired indie boys The Pigeon Detectives were also good fun over on the 02 Stage with Matt Bowman bounding around like a loony.

Speaking of loonies, it seems like the sunshine brought the madness out in everyone as we spotted not one, but two, completely naked men strolling around without a care in the world. Needless to say it made us yearn to have a shower all the more. Ewwww.

Today’s big disappointment were The Pogues in the Green Room. Shane MacGowan tried his best, God love him, but the sound was awful and he looked as lucid as the entire population of The Priory put together. Pair of Brown Eyes was still a goose-bumps moment, mind.

Kate Nash was also a bit of a letdown. As she sat perched inside a giant shell looking like she had taken make-up tips from Barbara Cartland, we couldn’t shake the feeling that she really should take a holiday and come back with some new songs.

And so, as the black-clad brigade of misfits and metallers all piled into the site, it was up to those recently reformed protest punks Rage Against the Machine to end the festival with a bang, and man, did they ever. The biggest surprise of the show was how fresh the songs still sounded. While The Prodigy’s decade-old tunes seemed toothless and twee, RATM’s arsenal was still as potent as ever.

As you might expect, the pit was pretty fierce for the 90 minutes they were on stage and they sounded vicious but they were also refreshingly funky. Not surprisingly, Killing in the Name of was their last song and it provoked a mass singalong featuring more four-letter words than a conversation with Johnny Rotten.

It might sound mad to say it, but being sworn at by Zach de la Rocha for the guts of two hours was the most fun we’ve had all year and we can’t wait to see what the organisers come up with to top them for the already announced Oxegen ’09.

See you all in 12 months, I’m off for a lie-down and a much-needed scrub.