Rihanna says she couldn't "bury" her feelings for Chris Brown, but admits their track history isn't the "cutest puzzle".
The singer has faced a great deal of criticism for reuniting with her ex-boyfriend in recent months. Rihanna ended her tumultuous romance with Chris when he assaulted her in 2009. However, the stars have now rekindled their relationship and in a new interview Rihanna has spoken out about her decision to give Chris a second chance.
"I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose me. To feel the consequences of that... But I got real with myself, and I just couldn't bury the way I felt," she told the latest issue of Rolling Stone. "I decided it was more important for me to be happy, and I wasn't going to let anybody's opinion get in the way of that. Even if it's a mistake, it's my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I'd rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.
"When you add up the pieces from the outside, it's not the cutest puzzle in the world..."
Rihanna insists she has a much calmer relationship with Chris now.
The 24-year-old star believes they have both learnt a lot and have matured since they first dated. She also understands why people are concerned about her choice to take Chris back.
"But it's different now. We don't have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about [stuff]. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don't want to lose that," she explained. "It makes me feel great to know that people care. I guess it's just something that will show with time. There's nothing I could say that would convince you right now. But we're in a great place. And I can't ever see us going back."
Rihanna goes on to insist she won't tolerate being badly treated again by Chris.
The star isn't trying to "rehabilitate" the Turn Around singer, but simply feels happiest when they are together.
"Listen, I'll tell you right now: I don't have to take it. If he gives me that again, here's what I give him: nothing. I just walk away... I can't say that nothing else will go wrong. But I'm pretty solid in knowing that he's disgusted by that," she revealed. "Wait. You think I'm here to rehabilitate Chris? No, no, no. That is not my purpose. Trust me...
"There's so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life. He's not the monster everybody thinks. He's a good person. He has a fantastic heart. He's giving and loving. And he's fun to be around. That's what I love about him - he always makes me laugh. All I want to do is laugh, really - and I do that with him."
During the interview Rihanna also revealed that she even refused to talk to her best friend about Chris because "nobody would understand" her situation.
She also slams claims she has been "weak" for going back to Chris, insisting that dealing with the heartbreak in her personal life proves she is a strong person who understands love.
When Rihanna is asked if she would like to start a family, the Barbados-born beauty responds enthusiastically. However, she wishes she could "order" a baby rather than go through the experience of pregnancy and labour.
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