Belfast Marathon: The race of our lives

Monday, May 05, 2008

‘By taking part I know John’s memory will live on’

Deirdre O'Neill (31), administration officer at PIPS Project, Belfast, lives in Belfast with her son Gerard (12). She is walking the marathon in memory of her late brother, John. She says:

My beloved only brother, John, died through suicide on August 5, 2006. His tragic death created a huge hole in our family which will never go away.

John died just two days before his 24th birthday. He had a four-year-old daughter, Caitlin, who he doted on and who he loved taking for walks, often carrying her on his shoulders. It seemed he had his whole life ahead of him.

This year I'm walking the marathon — all 26 miles of it — in memory of John and I'm raising money for the PIPS Project (Public Initiative for the Prevention of Suicide and Self Harm). As part of my training I've walked some 20-mile routes and it has given me a real buzz. I'm really looking forward to reaching the finish line ... and getting my medal!

John was very proud of his young family — his partner, Ciara, and their daughter. He was a gentle giant, 6ft 2in tall, and although he enjoyed a laugh he wasn't an extrovert.

My sister, Ciara, and I were aged seven and nine when John came along and it was lovely to have a baby brother. Then there was another gap until our youngest sister, Karon, was born, seven years after John. We grew up in Ardoyne and John went to St Gabriel's College.

To be honest, we don't know what happened with John — there was nothing specific we could pinpoint. He'd taken some time off his work at a call centre due to stress, and he'd spoken about feeling a bit down. He had seen his doctor and was trying to keep himself motivated.

On August 5, he left my mum's house and said he'd return within an hour with something he wanted to get from his own house. But he was taking so long that my mum and sister decided to see where he was. When they drove into his street, an ambulance was there. His partner had arrived and found him — he had hung himself.

We look at his picture so often and think 'What was going on there?' John left notes but there was nothing in them that pointed to a specific problem. Sometimes I think he had a lifestyle expectation that he felt he wasn't meeting.

We have lots of memories of growing up, and it's good to focus on John's life, not his death. But in any sudden death, it's very difficult to take your mind off how they died and why. And it's 100 times more difficult for our parents. But they have now taken over the fundraising for my marathon walk and anyone who comes into the house is asked to contribute to PIPS!

After John died there were people coming to and from the house constantly for a while ... and then there was no-one. That is, except for Jo Murphy from PIPS who knocked our door a week after John died. We'd heard of PIPS through Philip McTaggart who helped set it up, and we went to a family support group which helped.

I work in administration now with PIPS — if anyone had told me two years ago that I would lose my brother to suicide and be working with PIPS I would never have believed it.

John will be exactly 21 months gone on May 5, the day of the marathon. Every event is so different now, because John's not here. Last Christmas we went out for dinner to a restaurant, to avoid the 'empty seat' at home.

His daughter is six years old now and very like him. She was daddy's little princess. Everyone remarked after he died that they had vivid memories of John walking down the street with Caitlin on his shoulders. It will be hard when she's older and tries to understand.

What happened changed our lives. But by taking part in the marathon I know that John's memory will live on and that I can try and help make even the smallest difference."

'At the hospice we're helping to give children happy days'

Colm Darby (22), from Belfast, is a student nurse and care assistant at the Northern Ireland Children's Hospice. He says:

Working at the Children's Hospice is the best job I've ever had. To be able to see children, who have life-limited conditions, with a smile on their faces is such a joy.

One of the subjects we study on our Queen's University nursing course is health promotion and raising awareness — and what better place to raise awareness of than the Children's Hospice? I asked some fellow students and lecturers if they'd take part in the marathon and we've got two relay teams together. We're so happy to be raising money for this great cause.

When I tell people where I work they think it must be a very sad job, but I want to change the perception of the hospice. It's not somewhere dark and sad, it's a place of warmth and love. The staff rally together to help the children, their friends and families. We're helping to put life into the children's days.

I always wanted to study nursing, and my heart lies with working with children. I knew that if I had the qualities to help people I should use them. I love the opportunities you have at the hospice for one-to-one patient care as you get to know their needs and the activities they love. I've been helping to care for Aaron and Dean Doherty, two brothers from Castlerock who have Sanfilippo syndrome, a rare genetic and degenerative disorder in which symptoms such as difficulty with walking and talking are observed at an early age.

Aged 11 and nine, Aaron and Dean are very affectionate and intuitive, and it has been a privilege to get to know their family.

As I've got to know them, I can see in their eyes when they are trying to communicate — and you try to understand what they want to tell you. You develop an instinct. The brothers come to the hospice for respite care and they have so much fun here.

One minute they are playing in the soft play area, the next they're up beside you laughing. It's moments like those that make me think that this is the best job in the world, to be able to make a child who has a life-limiting condition laugh.

The boys also love watching people come and go. They are very good at observing people and absorb everything in their surroundings. They love petting the rabbit we have here and kicking a ball around. When you see them doing these things you don't see a child with this condition, you see a happy child just doing normal things. It's been great to meet families like the Dohertys and has encouraged me to seek a career in this area all the more.

'I was shocked to find I carry cancer gene'

Dr Elizabeth Watt (38), a paediatric registrar at the Ulster Hospital, Dundonald, is running the marathon to raise money for the Ulster Cancer Foundation. She says:

A number of people in my family have been affected by cancer and that's why I decided to run for the Ulster Cancer Foundation.

It's a local charity, all the money stays in Northern Ireland and goes towards helping people affected by cancer and their families, as well as funding research and screening.

Tragically, my dad died of a brain tumour 12 years ago, when he was in his late sixties. I have so many happy memories of growing up with my two sisters and brother. Dad always had a joke or a smile on his face, he was a really great man. We grew up in the country in Maghera and everybody knew who he was, he was just that kind of man.

He took ill suddenly. We initially thought he had a stroke but it turned out to be a brain tumour and he passed away within a couple of months. He'd been very well up until that — he was always very active.

Then, three years ago, my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She had chemotherapy and is thankfully now in remission. Losing dad had been so difficult for her and we couldn't believe it when she became ill too.

We found out my mum had a gene which increases your risk of breast or ovarian cancer, so I decided to see if I was a carrier. It was a big shock to discover that I was, as it means I have a 70% chance of developing breast cancer in my 40s. I had wondered if it would be better to not know, but now at least I can do something about it if I so choose. Prophylactic surgery has been offered but I haven't decided — I go for mamograms every year to get checked out. And running, which I took up eight years ago, keeps me healthier and perhaps decreases my risk as well. Normally I go running a couple of times a week but in the build-up to the marathon I'm going out five times or so, depending on my rota at work.

I've done the Stockholm and Loch Ness marathons, but really wanted to do Belfast. The atmosphere is always fantastic at marathons and it's great to be involved. My husband, Thomas Leitch, is also taking part and we're hoping the weather isn't too hot. I'm aiming to get around the course in under four hours — it will be a great incentive to know I'm doing it for such a worthy cause (my sponsorship page is www.justgiving.com/lizwatt)."