The Becks factor

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

'It's easy to do what he does with that kind of wealth,but he's no great role model'

Sligo-based writer Eoin MacNamee (46) is dad to Kathleen (11) and seven-year-old Owen. He says:

I don't think I ever did too much working out or preening to begin with, so I don't feel under any pressure to maintain looking good as well as working and helping bring up the kids! Dads are more involved in their children's lives now. If I go back to my father's generation, he probably had more authority but I think it was a more distant role that wasn't good for anyone.

I like that I get to spend a lot of time with my children. I think it's important to have input into your children's imaginative side as well as the practical side of looking after them, and to that end I recently spent a whole day making dens in the garden. I do anything that needs to be done in the house — it's not a problem. I don't feel under pressure, you have to strike a balance.

I work from home so I'm here while the kids are at school all day but the idea of coming home from office, going to pub and not seeing my family — I don't like that idea. I fish a bit but I think every parent accepts that there's a certain amount of giving up that comes with the role. I recently started coaching the under-eight's football team so that keeps me fit and I see the kids.

I don't think David Beckham really is a role model. The only difference between him and the rest of us is money. It's easy to do what he does if you have that kind of wealth with a fleet of cars and nannies at his disposal. If he's a role model, then it's only to other millionaire footballers, not to ordinary Joes."

'All my decisions come back to the children'

Comic actor Conor Grimes (39) is the father of three boys Ronan (6), Lorcan (4) and Noah (2). He's been married to wife Joanne for eight years. He says:

A father's priority is his family. I live out in the country and I drive home at night after each play to make sure I'm there for them getting up in the morning. I also try when possible to be there to help them brush their teeth, help with with bath-time and getting them into their pyjamas, as well as tucking them in at night.

It helps you build a relationship with them and it's probably something that was lost in past generations of fathers. There are very few men who wouldn't know how to change a nappy now.

My wife and I make decisions between us on whether I go on tour with a play. When our second child was due, I was acting in London. The cast was asked to extend the play's run, but I had to rule that out. All my decisions come back to the children and their needs. They come first and that's the way it should be. My wife said to me once, 'Think back to when you were a child, what did you want most?' and I replied that I wanted my mum and dad to be there. People who constantly search for fame and fortune are putting that first.

They're constantly thinking of their own career and it's fine to have your own dreams. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but decisions always have to be made and the children should come first.

I'm a bit cynical about David Beckham. I've a soft spot for him because he played for Manchester United, but I think he's got a horrible wife. Children need stability. She's been dragging those kids around the world ever since they were born. The way they live... it seems to be all about them. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. They aren't doing their children any favours. I do a lot of miles because I want to be there to see mine grow up. It's different nowadays with both the husband and wife working. Men have to muck in and do their bit."

'I think some dads do feel under pressure to be more like David, but I already have a good life balance'

Businessman and male grooming expert Jason Shankey (37) is dad to seven-year-old Lauren and Will (5). He says:

I think more and more men are feeling under pressure to be able to look after the kids as well as doing this, that and the other and maybe feel they need to follow the example set by role models like David Beckham.

But I think I have a pretty good work/ house balance. I do the school run in the mornings and pick the two children up, and spend most evenings with them because my wife, Brenda, is usually working at those times.

I'm lucky because I've been able to fit my business around the children so I'm maybe not under the same pressure as other dads who work in an office nine-to-five and don't have the same luxury. I also like to keep my children involved in my life and what I'm doing. That makes them a part of it and stops me from feeling that I'm putting myself out.

Things like taking them to the gym or work or bringing them along to nights out and dinners. Once you have children you need to be more clever with your time.

The dad role has changed a lot in a generation. My dad was killed when I was two, so I can't say personally, but from knowing friends' dads it was always the dads out working and the mums at home — that's just what dads did. I think what we have now is much better, it should be equal in the home and raising the children. The one thing that is almost written in stone though is that Friday night is my night when I go out with my mates to the rugby club and have a few beers. I have no guilt about it! Usually Brenda can look after the kids but if I have to get a babysitter then that's fine."