The other attempts didn't work. Each time, I stopped working, relaxed — and each time it failed. Now I am having my last try, but I'm starting a stressful job, one that I know I'd enjoy and be good at. Should I ask them if I can start a month later, giving myself a chance to relax (at the risk of getting off to a bad start), or should I just go ahead and hope for the best?

Yours sincerely, Miriam

My father used to say that if you can't decide whether to do something or not, then it doesn't matter a hell of a lot which decision you take. Either way, the plus points are the same and the negative points level out.

If you asked for time off before starting the job, it's quite possible there'd be real repercussions later if you did get pregnant. You would, probably, never be promoted, and it would be clear to your employer that your priority was your personal life. If you decided not to go ahead with the job at all and then didn't get pregnant, you'd be in a different circle of hell. Unemployed, depressed, sitting at home wondering what the point of life was.

You've done the old lying around in a bath surrounded by scented candles and saying 'om' all morning routine, and frankly, it hasn't come up with the goods. But on the other hand, bodies usually respond best when they're not under stress.

Marginally, I'd favour taking the job. I don't know how the drugs affected you the past few times, but if you're in a stressful new job the likelihood is that you won't experience the symptoms as badly because you'll be so busy concentrating on things at work. In other words, taking this stressful job could be quite relaxing for the part of you that wants to get pregnant. I imagine that if you want a baby enough you'll have one in the end, whether it's by fertility treatment or even adoption.

STOP RELAXING AND GET BUSY

I would advise Miriam to go ahead and start her new job as she clearly knows that she would enjoy the job and be good at it.

She will be busy, her mind will be at rest and she will have less time to worry about conceiving, increasing her chances. There is no good scientific evidence to suggest that stress at work will be a negative factor for the conception.

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WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL

Either you go for a child (or at least, a chance to have one), or you go for your stressful job. Make up your mind. Just imagine that you do get your job, and a month later you're pregnant. Then what? 'Stressful' won't even come close. If you're so desperate to have both, then go for the job, and when you can spare some time, adopt a child. Plenty of kids need a home. Don't try to have it all. That's a recipe for disaster.

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