Belfast Telegraph

Men repellents - fashion looks that can turn his stomach

They don't make too much of an effort when it comes to themselves, yet they do seem to take notice when it comes to us. In no particular order, Men repellents - fashion looks that can make him cringe. .

Androgyny

What's the deal ...

Cropped hair and tailored trouser suits. A devil may care embrace of human sexuality.

Why you should ....

You look like a hot girl.

Why you shouldn't ....

You look like a naff boy.

What he really thinks ....

Sexually I'm intrigued, but who will cook the breakfast ?

Should you care ...

About the breakfast, no. About looking like a naff boy, yes.

Fake tan

What's the issue ....

Forget the tango jokes, if he hates fake tan it's probably because he helped his last girlfriend put the stuff on. Nothing kills mystery in a relationship like having to de-streak your legs with a mitten.

Why you should ....

Worth the risk if the only alternative is milk bottle legs.

Why you shouldn't ....

It might remind him of the last wedding he went to. Unless you're desperate for a ring steer clear for now.

Red Lipstick

What's the issue ...

No idea. We think a full lip is bold, feminine and sexy but for him it's just probably too intimidating. Sigmund Frued could tell you why they hate it. We can't.

Why you should ....

Red lips are strong, womanly and positively provocative.

Why you shouldn't ....

He might think you like politics. Heaven forbid you should have an opinion.

Should you care ....

No.

Grunge

What's the deal ...

Loads of kohl, loads of shadow and loads of attitude. Throw away the beauty bible, it's all about the music.

What you think ....

With my smokey eyes and suggestive choker, no one really knows I'm crying on the inside.

What he thinks ....

Will the inevitable suicide attempts ruin my new IKEA pillowcases.

Should you care ....

No. This time next year you will be married to the Kings of Leon.

Décolletage

What's the issue ...

The perfect honeytrap for those early dates but it might make him territorial after a time.

Why you should ....

It's amazing how a little glitter has the power to keep him on his toes.

Why you shouldn't ....

It looks a bit Strictly Come Dancing and other men will stare at them.

Should you care ....

Perhaps. If he can actually pronounce décolletage he might be worth keeping.

Peroxide hair

What' the deal ....

From Farrah Fawcett to Britney Spears, it's a fact that blondes have more fun.

What you think ....

With my dazzling locks, neon teeth and orange face, no one will ever know my oversized wagbag isn't for carrying books.

What he thinks ...

High maintenance, but looks great in my new car.

Should you care ....

No. God forbid he should ever see your natural colour.

Manicured nails

What' the deal ....

Loads of polish, loads of lacquer, loads of sparkle.

What you think ....

With a flash of my diamond encrusted digits, men are mine for the taking.

What he thinks ...

Do I have to take the bins out every week.

Should you care ....

Yes. In the long term you can expect awkward questions about why your children don't look like their father.

Multiple tattoos

What you think ...

I don't regret it. I was young, I was reckless, I was on a J1.

What he thinks ....

Who the hell was Fintan and why is his name is on my new girlfriends boob.

Should you care ....

Not called tramp stamps for nothing. Unless your life's ambition is to appear in FHM, cover those bad boys up.

Wacky hair

What is it ...

A playful, individual gesture and a display to the world that you never follow the crowd.

Why you should ....

If god had wanted us all to be peroxide blondes he wouldn't have invented social workers.

What he thinks ....

I really like her, but Mammy won't like this.

Should you care ....

No. Overlooking the irony that all your friends have pink hair, your uniqueness is key to a healthy relationship.

Perms

What' the deal ....

A hark back to the good old days when salons really knew how to ruin your hair.

Why you should ...

Big hair equals big personality. Could anything be more glamorous than spending nine hours wearing a rubber hat that smells of pee.

Why you shouldn't ...

You look like his mother circa 1986.

Should you care ....

No. You can walk onto any golf green with your head held high.

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