I've finally worked out what today's man wants in a woman. It's very simple - they want tits. And natural ones, no matter how wonderful, are just not good enough anymore, in comparison to what cosmetic surgery can do.
Fake breasts are the ideal, fake breasts and all the psychological baggage that comes with the women who feel the need to go under the knife for no reason at all, except to be bigger and better than the rest.
Call me naive, but it was a disappointing discovery to make.
It indicates that the modern male population is more superficial, sexist and uninspired than ever; and that women have not only given up the fight for liberation but have officially declared themselves subservient.
Contrary to any rose-tinted beliefs, men don't want naturally sexy beauties with God-given assets, who are confident, kind, intelligent and carefree.
No, in fact they want shallow women, who are plagued by low self-esteem, insecurity and lack of confidence, who seek happiness in the form of male approval and see the physical ideal as their main goal in life. Who will do anything to become the perfect Barbie doll for their men, including cosmetically-inflating their breasts until they are the size of beach balls.
They want Posh Spice, who dieted to extremes herself to the point of malnutrition and then got a pair of ridiculous-looking breast implants to ensure her husband David Beckham didn't run off (again) with a more curvaceous model.
They want Jordan, who is only famous because she got her modest-sized B-cup breasts enlarged to an E cup, and whose very existence is a competition to be the most attractive. The original boob-job star, Pamela Anderson, same story.
I was struck by just how bad things have become when I saw the line-up for I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! which kicked off on ITV and TV3 last week. One of the biggest 'stars' is a 23-year-old English girl called Gemma Atkinson, who is apparently an actress, but who appears to be famous for little other than getting her breasts cosmetically pumped up to caricature levels and then showing her surgeon's handiwork off in lads' magazines.
The fake boobs are so big on her slim frame that they could not be natural. But despite this unrealistic ideal, I heard a man telling his girlfriend the other day how Gemma was "perfect" - a comment that could only enrage any woman with a whit of intellect.
Don't get me wrong - it's wonderful to hear men complimenting the curvy bodies of such naturally busty babes as Kelly Brook, Jessica Simpson, Elisha Cuthbert, Tomb Raider-era Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johanssen and last year's I'm A Celebrity totty, the gorgeous Myleene Klass. They deserve it.
But when you hear a grown man complimenting a woman on a pair of plastic breasts he could just as easily stick on himself, it seems as if society has lost it altogether.
The subliminal message here was 'she is perfect, you are not', according to counselling psychologist Leslie Shoemaker, who says such comments are made to encourage inferior feelings in women.
Ms Shoemaker stresses that women who go for unnecessary cosmetic enhancement have one thing in common - low self-esteem. The need to have breasts enlarged to a cartoonish size indicates, at best, low self-esteem and at worst, Body Dysmorphic Syndrome (BDD), a distressing condition where the sufferer is abnormally preoccupied with their appearance.
Ms Shoemaker says society should not be rewarding women who undergo serious surgery in desperate attempt to attain the perfect body.
"It's insane - we celebrate women for getting breast implants, people are actually famous simply for having a boob job," said Ms Shoemaker.
"What kind of message is that sending out? It's saying: attaining the perfect Barbie body is the priority, the most important thing in life.
"It will make you popular, it will make men like you, it will make you happy.
"But self-esteem is not external, it's internal. It's about accepting imperfections and being happy and confident with that you've got. It's not about getting your breasts enlarged to an out-of-proportion and unnatural size."