Belfast Telegraph

Does rape fantasy mean i’m warped?

Northern Ireland's number one agony aunt Fiona Hurley answers your problems

Dear Fiona, I believe I’m perverted as my sexual fantasies revolve around scenes in which other women or myself are forced into sex. I’m ashamed to say it but I fantasise that I’m being attacked by some well-built, dark handsome man and I end up enjoying it.

I know that rape fantasies are quite common as I’ve researched it before.

Shockingly though, I was sexually assaulted by a male acquaintance several years ago. It was horrible and I felt humiliated and violated so why is this my fantasy?

Ashamed Woman

Dear Ashamed Woman,

Rape fantasies occur for numerous reasons but they may be your subconscious mind working to alleviate anxiety, negative emotions and unresolved hurts.

These fantasies enable you to transform trauma into triumph.

You’re visualising yourself in a similarly threatened position but instead of fear, humiliation and pain being the over-riding feelings, you’re experiencing enjoyment and sexual satisfaction.

It’s the process of conquering the trauma by visually reliving the experience but changing the outcomes.

You’re no longer the frightened, humiliated woman but someone gaining enjoyment and control over the situation.

You’re definitely not perverted but please consider speaking with a sexual abuse therapist who can help guide you through the healing process.

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