Belfast Telegraph

Family's dumb jibes are so hurtful

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

My husband and I were married for 45 years and in all that time I put up with his jokes about how dumb I was.

I knew he was insecure and other people thought he was funny so, perhaps foolishly, I played along with it, even when it upset me.

In private he was a good and caring husband and treated me with respect, but my problem is that now he’s gone my family have carried on like this.

They constantly tease and say things such as, ‘Not the brightest bulb in the box’ and, if I could turn back the clock, I would stop this behaviour.

I’m 70 now, though, and I wonder if perhaps I’ve left it too late — but I do find it hurtful. IW

FIONA SAYS: SHOW THEM YOUR ASSERTIVE SIDE

If you've allowed yourself to appear to be downtrodden for such a long time, then maybe that's the appearance you give to others.

It's never too late to change, so make a start at showing them the other side of you.

You will need to be a bit more assertive and tell them that while it amused their father to treat you as if you were not all there, they have no right — or reason — to do the same.

Then go ahead and show them how wrong they are — consider Open University courses or join the University Of The Third Age.

It's never too late to start learning and with that you'll have so much more to talk about.

I'm sure you'll soon make them realise just how wrong appearances have been!

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