Belfast Telegraph

Girls won’t settle with a guy like me

Dear Fiona, I'm deeply depressed. I am a 39-year-old male who can’t find a girl to settle down.

I’m good-looking and treat girls well and yet they won’t commit and always finish with me. I always see really good-looking girls with someone who’s not attractive.

I get on well with most of them but I’ve given up on love. I just can’t seem to make anyone happy!

I lost my job last month due to the stress of it all. I’m so down and just want to be happy. All my friends are either married or living away.

Please help as my morale is at rock bottom.

ES, Portadown

Dear ES,

Dysfunctional and irrational self-beliefs are central to your problems but this is typical of depression.

Job loss indicates that your depression needs immediate attention so please speak to your GP who may recommend anti-depressants.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) would be extremely beneficial so inquire if they could refer you to a therapist.

Maladaptive thoughts create self-fulfilling prophecies because if you believe no-one will commit, you may react by becoming possessive, controlling, desperate and even overly dependent.

Have you perhaps expected too much commitment, too soon? Are you maybe attracted to women who are at a different stage of life and not ready to settle down?

Perhaps you subconsciously seek out women you know will eventually reject you, i.e those with commitment issues.

Therapy would help you to gain a better understanding of the real underlying reasons.

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