Belfast Telegraph

How can I stop her being jealous?

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

I am very much in love with a woman who is a couple of years older than me.

I’ve been thinking about proposing to her but what worries me is that she is desperately jealous and suspicious.

My job means I have to travel all over the country and although I am nothing special to look at, she seems to assume I am with other women wherever I go.

She questions me about every moment we are apart and even looks through my pockets for ‘evidence’. Then she gets upset and is sorry, apologising for her suspicions.

Her ex-husband was unfaithful, which I suppose is the root of the problem. How can I convince her that just because he was, it doesn’t mean I will be too? MT

FIONA SAYS: HELP HER TACKLE THE PROBLEM

Sadly, if she continues being so suspicious she may well end up driving you to someone else in spite of your best intentions.

Jealousy is an agonising and cripplingly painful emotion that feeds on suspicion and dread.

It's possible that her ex-husband undermined her self-confidence to such a degree she no longer believes anyone can love her for herself.

It's also possible that her crippling condition is what drove him away.

She badly needs convincing of her own self-worth before she can learn to love and trust anyone.

Try to persuade her to take steps to conquer her illness, because that's what it is.

Dr Windy Dryden's book Overcoming Jealousy (Sheldon Press) would be a great help to her.

Try to persuade her to tackle her problem and if you both love one another then your relationship will stand a much better chance of success.

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