How will I be a good stepmum to fiance’s kids?
Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.
I’m about to marry a wonderful man, who I love to bits.
I am, however, concerned about my relationship with his children, who I am sure must resent me, although they've been fine with me so far.
They are eight and 10 years old and I like them a lot, but I’ve never been a mum and I’m not sure how I should behave with them. Any tips? LP
FIONA SAYS: BE YOURSELF
There are no hard and fast rules on being a good stepparent, any more than there are on being a good parent.
You do not say if they are going to be living with you or with their mother, because that in itself will make a difference.
If they are still in contact — or living with their mother — then that presents very different issues than if they are living with you.
I would highly recommend Relate Guide To Step Families: Living Successfully With Other People's Children, written by Suzie Hayman.
Like most of the Relate guides, the advice is practical and sensible as well as easy to read.
One piece of advice I would offer is “Be yourself”.
In these situations people sometimes try to adopt a role that they think they should play.
That never works.