Belfast Telegraph

I slept with mate’s guy for a laugh

Northern Ireland's number one agony aunt Fiona answers your problems

Dear Fiona, I’m friends with five girls but there’s one who annoys us. She’s been seeing a guy for only three weeks but he asked me to go for a drink.

I told two friends and they joked I should go for a laugh. I did and we ended up sleeping together. My friend found out and I’m so disappointed and feel betrayed by everyone, especially the two who encouraged me. They’ve all fallen out with me. They’re being disloyal, sneaky, two-faced, and deceitful bitches. I’m so hurt I feel like exposing everyone by telling her how much they hate her. I’ve been crying constantly. What should I do?

Distraught Girl

Dear Distraught Girl,

Have you forgotten that YOU’RE the perpetrator who committed the dastardly deed and not the victim? You’ve convinced yourself that you’re the betrayed party when you’re actually the ‘disloyal, sneaky, two-faced, and deceitful.....’ etc. Sometimes, when we can’t accept negative truths about our character or behaviour, we disown them and identify them in other people. It’s a commonly utilised subconscious defence mechanism called projection. It’s important you accept responsibility and ask for forgiveness. Telling this girl what everyone else has been saying will needlessly hurt her further.

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