Belfast Telegraph

Tuesday 21 October 2014

I'm 14 and afraid to tell them I have a boyfriend

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem

I’m 14 and have had a boyfriend for the past four months that my parents don’t know anything about.

He’s 15, and I dare not tell them about him because I am afraid they will say I am too young and forbid me to see him.

He doesn’t know they don’t realise we are together, and I am so tired of keeping things a secret — I just wish my parents would accept him.

I’m afraid my boyfriend will think I haven’t told my parents because I’m ashamed of him, which I’m not. RD

FIONA SAYS: TELL EVERYONE THE TRUTH

Keeping your boyfriend a secret from your parents and not telling him what is happening has got you into a complete mess — everyone could end up getting hurt.

Your parents will feel sad and upset that you haven’t felt able to trust them.

Your boyfriend will worry that, in spite of your protestations, you are ashamed of him for some reason.

You will end up hurt because whatever you do now, you’ll feel guilty about all of them. The only way I can see for you to unravel this mess is for you to come clean and tell everyone the truth.

Tell your boyfriend you were afraid that your parents would think you too young to see him, and make sure he understands it has nothing to do with how you feel about him.

If he cannot (or will not) accept a simple explanation like this and try to help you, then perhaps you ought to rethink this relationship anyway.

As for your parents, I am sure they will be more understanding than you fear.

Start by speaking to the parent that you normally take your problems to, and tell the absolute truth.

They would almost certainly have been expecting you to show an interest in boys before much longer anyway.

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