Belfast Telegraph

I’m A lesbian but will probably marry my fella

Northern Ireland's number one agony aunt Fiona answers your problems

Dear Fiona, I’m a 25-year-old woman and my boyfriend of four years has just asked me to marry him but the truth is that I’m secretly lesbian.

I had a few secret lesbian encounters before I met him. I love him but I only enjoy sex when I fantasise I’m with a woman. It’s not what’s expected of me so I’m considering saying yes just to make my life easy.

RN

Dear RN,

Unfortunately, I can only advise you, not tell you what to do.

Although conforming to family — and society’s — expectations may reduce anxiety at first and give you a sense of belonging and well-being, if conforming results in a split between who you really are and the persona you present to the world, then severe internal conflict and anxiety will inevitably result.

Therefore, living such a huge lie will definitely not ‘make your life easier’.

Also, consider what impact hiding your true sexuality will have on your future husband and family when perhaps, down the line you realise you can’t live your life as a heterosexual woman any longer?

Please delay responding to his proposal and speak to a qualified psychotherapist.

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