Belfast Telegraph

I’m still haunted by death of my beloved father

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

My father was a very popular man and at his funeral there were many people crying — some that I didn’t even know.

It was a nightmare because, like so many men, I was brought up not to cry and show my feelings. At 32, I’m too old to carry on in that way anyhow.

Yet I cannot forget or get over my feelings of loss.

Most nights I am haunted by dreams in which I shout and row with my father and wake up feeling tense and anxious.

The headaches that result seem to last most of the day.

Is there something wrong with me? CS

FIONA SAYS: TALK THROUGH YOUR GRIEF

You have suppressed all your feelings of grief, and strong emotions need time and space for expression, otherwise they will come out in some other way.

At the moment that is happening in your dreams, but they are making you ill.

Emotions like this don’t go away — they simmer beneath the surface, upsetting all kinds of other parts of your life.

Anger is often linked to bereavement, you may well feel anger that your father has “abandoned” you by dying.

You are expressing that anger in your dreams and then, because you feel guilty, punishing yourself with your headaches.

I believe that if you could talk to someone about how you feel, the headaches and the dreams would eventually go away.

If you don’t feel you can do this with a friend, contact Cruse Bereavement Care (crusebereavementcare.org.uk), tel: 0844 477 9400. The charity can help you work through your grief.

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