Belfast Telegraph

Wary of my boyfriend's new found commitment

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine years but he has never wanted to make a commitment until just recently. Although I would ask him regularly why we couldn't get married, or at least live together, he always said he wasn't ready.

So I don't understand why, when he asked me to marry him last week, I now feel so depressed.

I thought I really loved him and couldn't wait to marry him but now I am not so sure.

I'm feeling suspicious, because I've got a good job and he's just been made redundant, which seems mean of me, but that's how I feel. KY

FIONA SAYS: TAKE TIME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH

Nine years is a long time to wait for a man to make up his mind and it does seem a little odd that he waits until he's been made redundant to make a commitment.

However, it could be that he was so obsessed with work before that he didn't have time to think through your relationship.

What worries me is the indication that this is a controlling relationship — you say you always have to fall in with his plans. That's not a partnership, it's a dictatorship and no basis for an equal relationship.

Tell him that you had become used to the idea that he was never going to commit and now you need time to think about your own priorities. If he gets cross and annoyed because you won't fall into line with the marriage he's planned then I think you have your answer.

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