Dear Dr Victoria,

At 61 years of age, I’ve found love for the second time in my life and we are now busy planning our wedding.

I lost my first husband of 30 years, 5 years ago to a long illness and never thought I would be blessed with another chance of happiness. While my first husband was wonderful, we only had a small registry office wedding. I’ve always wanted the big white wedding with a long dress and all the trimmings. My fiancé isn’t so sure and thinks a low key wedding would be more appropriate.

Do you think I should have the wedding I’ve always dreamed of, or should I go with what my fiancé wants?

Dr Victoria replies:

The moment you mention the words “big white wedding”, certain images spring to mind. It’s not surprising your fiancé has his doubts. Whatever style of wedding you go for, you need to both be in agreement. Sit down and talk to him. Don’t turn this into an argument of who’s right or wrong. Sort out the venue for the ceremony and the reception and some of the details and you can worry about your dress and flowers yourself.

Now there are classic, simple and tastefully understated weddings that are still very much in keeping with tradition and then there are more extravagant affairs that might see you arriving in a horse drawn carriage and you both releasing a hundred white doves. I’d like to think you’re talking about the former rather than the later when you refer to the wedding of your dreams.

When you choose your outfit, why do you have to debate it with your fiancé? A white silk dress with a full skirt, a long train and a veil might be over the top but there are plenty of stylish alternatives. Go to some wedding dress shops to have a look to see what suits you but be flexible. Also look around some boutiques and department stores – you don’t need to limit your choice to wedding dresses. You might want to think about a fantastic designer dress that’s more of a cocktail dress - something modern, stylish and flattering with a pair of great shoes.

Once you’ve got the venue and outfit sorted, you’ll have a better idea of what flowers would be appropriate. The key is not to get bogged down in a battle of principle. Keep a flexible attitude and make a joint decision on the details – except for your outfit of course – on that one, your fiancé will just have to trust you!