Dear Dr Lukats,

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We moved in together about a year ago. He really is a kind and loving man and he treats me with respect, except he’s seriously boring.

I know I probably sound like an ungrateful cow, but it’s really getting me down. It really is like living with an old woman.

To give you a few examples; all of our carrier bags are folded up neatly in the draw, He keeps and old towel in the bathroom to wipe up puddles from the floor. We even have to order the shopping list according to the isles in the supermarket.

Going out for dinner is a usually a diatribe and history lesson of wine and certain foods, and when we go on holiday he thinks it’s fun to create an hourly itinerary before we get there. As he says preparation is the key to success. Then when we’re away he insists on keeping a diary of all of our activities, meals, excursions, taxi journeys etc. He logs how much money we spend and then rates each activity with a satisfaction index so that if we visit the same place again we can monitor any social and economic changes.

All of this planning is sucking the life out of me. There is no room for fun.

I’m expecting a marriage proposal in the very near future. I know I should be happy but I’m not. I’m not sure I could routine for the rest of my life.

Is it me, am I ungrateful or should I move on?

There's nothing wrong with your boyfriend. This is his personality. You may find his ways irritating or boring but other people might love his stability and geeky ways.

If you can't look on the bright side, at least stop keeping him hanging on. You really won't be able to change him. This isn't a case of trying to get your man to buy a new pair of shoes or have a new haircut. This is his true personality. Obsessional personality traits are believed to be the most genetic of all personality traits so this isn't something he can just snap out of.

Of course, while there are positives to these personality traits (these types are often hard-working, conscientious, meticulous, thorough and dependable) there is also a flip side – is he insistent that you follow his way of doing things, is he particularly unwilling to delegate, is he a perfectionist with all or nothing thinking and is he pedantic? The flip side of obsessional personalities can be hard to live with but it is by no means impossible. He would probably do well with someone who is optimistic and sees his ways as eccentric and endearing, rather than dull or boring and it also helps to be with someone who is laid back, willing to accommodate his ways, willing to compromise but also willing to bring him up on things every now and then rather than acting as a doormat. Ok so you can't change him but a gentle and occasional reminder that he's taking things a bit too far might help to keep him on track.

It sounds like your boyfriend could make someone a dependable and loyal partner. People with obsessional personality traits (if not too extreme) are often very successful in their careers due to their conscientiousness and focus, but if you can't see his endearing qualities and you're actually feeling like you can't even stand him, then you've got to ask yourself if you really love him at all. If you don't, then stop prolonging the agony and let him meet someone who will appreciate him. Alternatively, you'll have to accept that this is the way he will always be.