Dear Dr Lukats, I’m in my early 40’s and recently got engaged. Now this isn’t a typical romance story, met, fell in love, got engaged. My fiancée used to be my friend of 20 years.

Having been friends for years and years we get on well, although it did used to amuse me that he always went for tall leggy, skinny, pneumatic blondes, that invariably dumped him – now I’m a well built brunette, with legs like a 100 meter runner.. About a year ago we were out on a Saturday night with our mutual friends and got completely hammered drunk, he ended back at mine and thing led to another and we ended up in a drunken clinch, but not much more. Although I was a little shocked the next day, I was surprised by the feelings he had stirred in me. I can honestly say that I had never thought of him in a romantic scenario. In fact he seemed more disturbed by the whole experience than me, but we decided to see where it went and three months later we were living together, well he moved I with me, and we’re planning to get married later this year.

Now my Dilemma is this, we’re both in our early 40’s, neither of us have ever married or lived with someone else. Although I care about him deeply and vice a versa, to say there was a intense chemistry would be a lie, there was no lightening bolt or force of nature that brought us together, other than gallons of wine, This isn’t a mills and boon romance novel, I do however believe we’re both happy and fulfill each other. Can this type of love, without the sizzle, really work in the long run?

This is simple. It's not that uncommon to be friends with someone before you become a couple. In fact, it's a good thing that you really know him well so there won't be any nasty surprises about his past or his personality that you haven't seen already.

You've answered your own question when you say "you're both happy and you fulfill each other". If there are true deep-seated doubts over your feelings for him then it might be an idea to wait a while before you tie the knot, but if the only issue is genuinely just your shock and amazement at the way this has turned out, rather than constantly questioning yourself about whether this is "normal", remind yourself that you don't need a thunderbolt to form a lasting and satisfying relationship. However strong the thunderbolt, the initial excitement fades with time to be replaced by a more enduring and stable attachment. If you're both happy and this is what you want then it doesn't matter how it began. This is better than a romance novel or a Hollywood movie because it's your own life and it's real rather than fantasy