Belfast Telegraph

Saturday 27 December 2014

The best April Fools' Day jokes

And finally...The Independent On Sunday reported on a hosepipe amnesty to help deal with the drought in south east England. 'People living in areas where the ban comes into force on Thursday are to be given the opportunity to surrender garden hoses at local police stations', they reported.
And finally...The Independent On Sunday reported on a hosepipe amnesty to help deal with the drought in south east England. 'People living in areas where the ban comes into force on Thursday are to be given the opportunity to surrender garden hoses at local police stations', they reported.
From Pasty Tax to Bubbly Tax: After a strange week in the news it wouldn't be at all surprising if readers fell for this Daily Mail effort. It claims: 'The Government is planning to mitigate the damage caused by adding VAT to pasties by introducing a new ‘green’ tax on chilled champagne.' - and quotes, amongst others 'Frank Beers', MP for Theakston South...
Happy Mondays? Like the Daily Mail, The Guardian took its lead from the tricky week at No.10 - announcing that Happy Mondays singer Shaun Ryder was to advise the government on class and help to detox the Tories. You couldn't make it up - well, you could.
The Daily Mirror reported on the ambitious follow-up ship to the Titanic and how Kate and William could be amongst the celebrities on the maiden voyage. The ship is due to set sail from Southampton on April 1, 2013, they said...
Also taking their lead from the row over 'Pastygate' STV reported on the fury provoked in Scotland by a suggested tax on the fizzy drink 'Irn-Bru'. They reported that the SNP hoped the 'Irn Bru tax backlash' would give them the edge in the Scottish independence referendum.
Some real blue-sky thinking from No.10 - according to the Telegraph - as they report on the TV show planned to help find a replacement for Steve Hilton the former advisor to David Cameron. 'If Labour raise formal subjections, they are prepared to offer a follow-up series in which Ed Miliband would gain a new adviser to his shadow cabinet team', they reported.
The Sun chose today to report on the dubious announcement that Arsenal football club are to produce a fragrance that smells like their stadium. It reported: 'The £23 perfume includes a whiff of oils in the players' massage area, the fresh-cut pitch and leather from boss Arsene Wenger's dugout seat.'
Olympic Shocker: Hardly surprising that Alesha Dixon is reported to be 'stunned' at her inclusion in the Team GB fencing squad. According to the Daily Star 'Alesha, 33, only picked up a foil – the name for one of the sport’s weapons – for the first time in February for a Sport ­Relief event in Bognor Regis.'
The classic BBC April Fool's hoax - click image to launch gallery
The Swiss spaghetti harvest
In 1957 the BBC news show Panorama broadcast a programme reporting that farmers in the Swiss canton of Ticino were enjoying a bumper spaghetti harvest. The clipped BBC voiceover states benevolently: "Spaghetti cultivation here in Switzerland isn't carried out on a scale similar to the huge spaghetti plantations of Italy, but is a more domestic industry". He goes on to describe the regions' struggle with the depredations of the dastardly spaghetti weavel and their recent triumph over it. The story was so convincing that hundreds phoned into the BBC either to query it or to ask how to grow their own spaghetti trees.
Left-handed whopper
Burger King launched a marketing campaign for its 'Left-handed whopper' on April 1 1998. A press release sent out at the time estimated that nearly 11 million left-handed customers visited the fast food outlet in the UK each year. A spokesperson from the Left Handed Club is quoted as saying: "We are delighted that Burger King has recognised the difficulties of holding a hamburger in your left hand that has a natural right bias to it. We urge all left handed hamburger lovers to visit their nearest Burger King and taste the difference for themselves."
Alarming underwiring
In 1982 the Daily Mail reported a series of signal interferences in fire and burglar alarms, television and radio broadcasts due, it claimed, to the manufacture and sale of bras containing extremely conductive copper underwire. The report claimed that the combination of body heat and nylon caused the copper to produce static electricity which interfered with signals.
Jumping at it
Well known television astronomer and national treasure Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 on April fool's in 1976 that due to an unusual alignment of planets, known as the Jovian-Plutonian gravitational effect, Earth would have a temporary reduction in the gravitational pull. He urged listeners to jump at exactly 9.47am to experience weightlessness. Thousands called in to say they'd felt the decrease in gravity and one woman even claimed that she and eleven friends "wafted from their chairs and orbited gently around the room."
Vijay Singh: 2009 Masters" >
Vijay Singh: 2009 Masters
Tales of Nessie
Loch Ness and its mythical monster have provided a wealth of material for hoaxers. In 1972 a team of zoologists from Yorkshire's Flamingo Park Zoo had gone out in search of the legendary monster and soon discovered a large body floating in the water. They retrieved the corpse, which reportedly measured between 16 and 18 feet and weighed up to 1.5 tonnes, and was described by the Press Association as having "a bear's head and a brown scaly body with clawlike fins." The creature was put in a van to be taken away for testing, whereupon police chased them down and took the cadaver under an act of parliament which prohibits the removal of "unidentified creatures" from Loch Ness. The case attracted worldwide attention, with the press reporting the discovery of the "son of Nessie." But it was later revealed that Flamingo Park's education officer John Shields was responsible for setting up his colleagues in an elaborate hoax. He had shaved off the whiskers and disfigured a bull elephant seal which had died the week before, and dumped it in Loch Ness to dupe them.
Typographer's idyl
On April 1 1977 The Guardian published a seven-page supplement on the semi colon-shaped islands of San Serriffe, situated somewhere in the Indian Ocean. The two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse and the editorial was littered with other puns and plays on words relating to typography. The islands were used for subsequent hoaxes in 1978, 1980 and 1999 and they often turn up in the paper's cryptic crossword.
The magic of colour TV
In 1962 colour TV seemed like a magical thing in Sweden. So when its one television channel broadcast an advisory by the station's technical expert Kjell Stensson telling viewers that they could manually convert their black and white sets into colour by covering the screen in a nylon stocking, thousands of people gave it a try. His technical explanation for the peculiar activity was that the fine mesh of the material would cause a reconfiguration of the light particles emanating from the screen. Viewers were advised to tilt their heads from side to side to help with the readjustment process.
You say Pinana...
Last year Waitrose supermarket announced it was stocking an exotic new fruit: the Pinana, a hybrid combination of a pineapple and a banana. The advert read: "Fresh in today and exclusive to Waitrose. If you find that all Waitrose pinanas have sold out, don't worry, there's 50% off our essential Waitrose strawberries."
Natural blonde
Stuffy global agencies aren't known for their jokes. Which made it all the more believable in April 2002 when the World Health Organization released a report claiming that natural blondes were likely to be extinct within 200 years. It said that due to the proliferation of dyed blondes and a genetic weakness, the last natural blonde would probably be born in 2202. The study was revealed to be a hoax and the WHO denied conducting the research.

Yes, it’s that time of year again - when you really can’t trust everything you read in the papers.

The British media has once again wholeheartedly embraced April Fools' Day with a selection of bizarre, but just about believable, nonsense stories.

^^Click 'More Pictures' to see the best of this year's - and some classic - April Fools' Day jokes^^

From the broadsheets we’ve had dubious articles featuring Shaun Ryder, a hosepipe amnesty, a Champagne tax, and some truly inside-the-box thinking on the appointment of Steve Hilton’s successor.



Meanwhile the red-tops are helping to promote a new Arsenal fragrance (that smells of the Emirates stadium), pondering who will be on the (surely ill-fated) maiden voyage of 'Titanic Two', and giving us the news that Alesha Dixon has been selected for the British Fencing team at the Olympics (she’s stunned apparently).



Elsewhere, there is horror in Scotland at a proposed Irn-Bru tax and Google are launching a Ninetendo style 8-bit version of Google Maps as well as a ‘Really Advanced Search’.



And other companies have been at it as well. We’ve seen Ikea Australia recall left-handed Allen Keys, the launch of non-slip bananas and the news that British Bulldogs will become ball-dogs for the English cricket team.

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