Accused nurse's 'bitter confession'
A nurse wrote he was going "straight to hell" because he had poisoned and murdered patients, a court heard.
Victorino Chua, 49, wrote the words in a 13-page handwritten letter, calling it "the bitter nurse confession", the jury at Manchester Crown Court was told.
Peter Wright QC, prosecuting, returned repeatedly to the letter as he cross examined the defendant, citing the words Chua had written in the "deeply personal" document, found by police at the nurses' home after his arrest for murder.
The Filipino father-of-two, denies murdering three patients and poisoning 18 others in his care at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport, Cheshire in June and July, 2011.
Chua said he wrote the letter after a counsellor suggested he use it as an "outlet" for his anger and frustration.
But Mr Wright suggested the reason why Chua wrote, "if I go, I go straight to hell", was an admission of guilt.
"The reason I suggest is because of what you had done and was prepared to do," the prosecutor said.
Chua replied: "Like what?"
Mr Wright continued: "Like contaminating products in the hospital.
"Like altering the prescription charts of patients.
"Like administering insulin to patients who were not diabetic and non insulin dependent. Like these things, Mr Chua?"
The defendant replied: "No, that's not true."
Chua is alleged to have used a hypodermic needle to puncture saline bags and ampoules and inject them with insulin.
These were then unwittingly used by other nurses on the ward - leading to a series of insulin overdoses and three fatalities.
Chua denies contaminating any products with insulin while working on wards A1 and A3 at Stepping Hill Hospital.
He also denies altering prescription records for six patients, doubling and trebling dosages of drugs.
Mr Wright asked Chua: "What were you bitter about Mr Chua?"
Chua replied: "Since I was a kid, I'm having this bad luck and it's following me until the present. Non stop."
Mr Wright continued: "What were you confessing to?"
Chua said: "Those words here just come out of my mind."
Mr Wright said: "So when you wrote them, did you have something to confess?"
"No," replied Chua.
Mr Wright, reading Chua's letter, asked him to explain the passage: "Got lots to tell but I just take it to my grave. My family will make history here in England."
The prosecutor added: "Do you now what I mean by the word notoriety? Being famous for all the wrong reasons?"
Chua replied: "No. That's not what I meant."
The prosecutor then asked why the defendant had written: "There's a devil in me."
Chua replied: "I just...because er, how can I explain it?
"What comes out of my mind I just write them.
"When I wrote this letter. I got my own meaning."
In the final passage of the letter, found in a kitchen drawer at Chua's house on Churchill Street, Stockport after his arrest on January 5 2012, the defendant writes: "Still inside of me I can feel the anger that any time it will explode just still hanging on can still control it but if I will be pushed they gonna be sorry."
Chua said the anger was due to, "the bullies, intimidating me and undermining me", describing some of his work colleagues as, "nasty bitch".
Mr Wright said: "What is it they are going to get? What are they going to be sorry about if you are pushed?"
Chua replied: "Harsh words."
Mr Wright said: "They are going to be sorry because you are going to use harsh words - or because you are going to cause huge mischief at your place of work? And do so in circumstances where they are going to be sorry?"
Chua replied: "That's not true. It's not the patients I got a problem with its the staff, so why the patient? They got nothing to do with my problem with staff."
Mr Wright said if patients were suddenly suffering insulin overdoses on the wards this would cause problems for his colleagues.
Chua, who began working at the hospital in 2009, is accused of murdering Tracey Arden, 44, Arnold Lancaster, 71, and Derek Weaver, 83, along with one count of grievous bodily harm with intent, 23 counts of attempted grievous bodily harm, eight counts of attempting to cause a poison to be administered and one count of administering a poison.
He denies all the offences, alleged to have happened between June 2011 and January 2012.
The trial was adjourned until tomorrow morning.