Football boss Harry Redknapp has denied tax dodging by telling police "I couldn't even fill a team sheet in", a court has heard.
The Sun columnist said he struggles with literacy, adding: "I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell."
He also claimed he was "the most disorganised person in the world" during interviews with City of London detectives in 2009.
In tape recordings played at Southwark Crown Court, Redknapp said: "I can't work a computer, I don't know what an email is, I can't, I have never sent a fax and I've never even sent a text message."
He added: "I have a big problem, I can't write so I don't keep anything. I am the most disorganised person, I am ashamed to say, in the world."
Redknapp told officers he had not seen his pay slip in years as he said: "You talk to anybody at the football club. I don't write. I couldn't even fill a team sheet in."
Under questioning over the Monaco account at the heart of the £189,000 bung allegation, the Tottenham Hotspur manager added: "I pay a fortune to my accountant to look after me you know. He writes all the cheques for me and my wife. He pays my bills. He runs my life basically."
Redknapp told officers in June 2009 that the Sun, who he writes regular columns for, "hadn't paid me for 18 months".
Redknapp added: "Why am I gonna fiddle 20, 30 whatever thousand pounds of income tax when I walk away six months later from £200,000 that I was due."
Both Redknapp, 64, of Poole, Dorset, and co-defendant Milan Mandaric, from Oadby, Leicestershire, deny two counts of cheating the public revenue when Redknapp was manager of Portsmouth Football Club. The court was adjourned until Friday when it will hear from the final prosecution witnesses.