Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 17 April 2014

I'm developing harmless crushes on inappropriate men

Catherine Townsend - Sleeping Around

"Miss Townsend, would you lie back for me please?" the very tall and fit man standing above me was chatting about my molars, but I was tuning him out. His name is Julian, and he's my new dentist. I recently started grinding my teeth again, and booked a visit. But while my previous dentists have tended to be grumpy old men, Julian is a thirtysomething hottie with a French accent and dazzling smile.

We made small talk about life before he opened my mouth and stuck his fingers inside. To my astonishment, I felt a tingle down below. This came as quite a shock, because when I think of sexy men in the medical field, images of George Clooney on ER or plastic surgeons come to mind.



I tend to rate the sex factor of dentists down there with proctologists or chiropodists. Besides, the guy sees me in situations where I drool all over myself, which is not hot.



But maybe there's more to the dental profession than meets the eye. I spoke to a dental hygienist friend of mine who works in my hometown in Georgia, and she said that quite a few of the guys in her office have reputations as ladies' men. "They seem really sweet and harmless, but trust me, most of them are total players," she said.



With my mind still burning about dentistry, I checked out several websites dedicated to dental fetishes. But most of them looked pretty scary, and I quickly worked out that my crush has nothing to do with craving oxygen masks or having my jaws stretched apart by dental forceps.



I made another appointment for tooth-whitening, and while the paste was hardening around my gums, Julian told me that we had a mutual friend, my ex-boyfriend Richard. "Give me a call if you have any sensitivity at all, or feel free to stop by... If we don't run into you around town first!"



I called Richard to get the dirt. But when he told me that Julian was very happily living with his lovely girlfriend, I felt incredibly relieved. That's when it hit me: since I'm between boyfriends and not looking for anything serious, I'm developing harmless crushes on inappropriate men. I don't really want to ravish Julian next to the posters on gum disease. But during boring procedures, there's no harm in letting my imagination run wild. I have imagined a threesome with him and the dental hygienist and having fun with a little nitrous oxide....



I'm always the most turned on in situations where I'm vulnerable, and once I'm in the dentist's chair, I'm completely in his hands. I can flirt with him in a non-threatening way.



Later that night I was I took a hand-mirror to admire my perfectly even, blindingly white teeth.



Which is another reason why, even if he didn't have a girlfriend and I liked him romantically, I would never cross the line with Julian. Boyfriends may come and go, but healthy gums are forever.



c.townsend@independent.co.uk

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