Belfast Telegraph

Cooper Brown: Operation Lesbian Sticker Lady

So, “Operation Lesbian Sticker Lady” went into operation today. Mulligan has now been in London for three days and he is still behaving as though he just landed on Mars.

He has this weird habit of just staring in quite a creepy manner at women when they walk past. Believe me, having been to the country I understand that there really isn’t much to look at there. The whole place appears to be where men put old women to roost before returning to London for better pickings.

Mulligan is especially fascinated by the exotic, so he gets very excited by foreignlooking women. I fear if he stays up too long there might be trouble so I’m hoping that we can get the sticker lady and he can return to his rural hell-hole as soon as possible. The idea was simple. My Quattroporte was parked on a side street near her usual stomping ground and Mulligan would hide in a thick box hedge just opposite.

All was progressing well, until the young lady in whose hedge Mulligan had set up shop spotted some movement. She went to investigate only to find this curious bumpkin. It didn’t help matter that she was some Japanese bankers’ wife and he couldn’t stop staring at her in that weird way of his. She called the police to say that a tramp was living in her hedge but Mulligan did a runner before they arrived. He was full of “country law” garbage about hedges being public property but I told him that he was in the city now. It’s going to be a long week. Cooper Out.

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A handsome bald male, Cooper Brown is a 21st century success story. While doing an internship at Paramount in LA some big shots liked the Cooper style and took him under their wing. Now he’s a veteran of the shallow, backstabbing and treacherous movie industry, and he loves it.

Twitter- @icooperbrown

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