Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 27 August 2014

Why do female celebs think they’re good at everything?

Frances A. Burscough

Twenty first century celebrities seem to be rarely satisfied with their little lot. Models turn into movie stars, reality contestants want to be TV presenters, soap stars try to be pop stars and pop stars are now all budding fashion designers ...

Kylie is, of course, the ultimate poster girl for the multi-tasking mothers of reinvention. She’s done it all and has made spreading a little talent very thinly into a billion dollar business strategy in the process, but few have been able to mimic her staggering success story.

Some have even failed miserably. Liz Hurley, for example, had her day back in the 90s when she upstaged her then boyfriend Hugh Grant at his premiere by wearing a safety-pin dress that revealed more than it concealed. The paparazzi went ballistic and a starlet was born.

But ever since then she has attempted to prove that she is not just a clothes horse with nice breasts.

Her movie career began — and effectively ended — with Austin Powers I, in which she so convincingly played a robot with a machine gun bullet-firing bosom that she was forever typecast as a mechanical object with no apparent emotions. Or talent.

From thereon into the fashion world and Liz was asked to host the flagship Sky series Project Catwalk. Her performance was universally slated by critics, one of whom described her as ‘witheringly boring’. The series was a flop and when it emerged that she had been demanding free clothes from the contestants, her contract was terminated.

But Liz’s latest attempt at reinvention — as the next Nigella — came to an even more abrupt end. It emerged this week that she had been in talks with Channel 4 about filming a cookery series based at her Gloucestershire pig farm.

But once again it seems delusions of grandeur got the better of her. The plans were finally and irretrievably axed when she demanded exorbitant fees, proved ‘difficult to work with’ and forbade anyone from calling her ‘Liz’ on set.

Down the road in London, another model with ambitions which far exceed her abilities is struggling to re-launch herself into the music industry.

You guessed it. Kate Moss, not content with being a world-famous fashion and beauty icon, wants to be in a band.

Her first attempt was when she joined boyfriend Pete Doherty’s band, BabyShambles, on stage at Glastonbury 2006. The result was, well, a shambles, and she was humiliatingly booed off stage.

Attempt number two came with rockstar boyfriend number two, Jamie Hince, the lead singer with The Kills, at Glasto 07. Unfortunately Kate was banned from the stage by his band mates and she didn’t even make it within squawking distance of a microphone.

But Comeback Kate still wasn’t put off. Which brings us to her latest and greatest humiliation yet. At last week’s Radio One coverage from Ibiza, the model attempted to gatecrash the decks during DJ Zane Lowe’s live set from the trendy Amnesia nightclub.

Instead of giving in to her charms and allowing her to spin a few impromptu tunes, he reported her to security for ‘making a nuisance of herself’ and she had to be escorted off stage by burly bouncers.

Meanwhile, from across the pond, this just in: Victoria Beckham, the pop star turned WAG turned fashionista is ‘in talks’ with her best buddy, Eva Longoria Parker, about setting up a restaurant together.

Whether they go ahead remains to be seen, but, seriously, would you want to go for a slap-up dinner where the menu has been planned by a skeletal stick-insect?

Let me guess: appetiser — three frozen grapes; entree — five frozen grapes; dessert — Grape Meringue Surprise.

And the surprise? There is no meringue. Just more grapes.

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