Hardly best of Britton ...
Dear oh dear. Poor Fern Britton. Once something of a nation's sweetheart. Now reduced to peeling off a jacket and shaking her bits at Len Goodman. Why did you do it, Fern? Why?
Though still a good-looking woman at 55, mum-of-four Fern chose what's been described as "her skimpiest outfit" yet for her turn on Strictly Come Dancing at the weekend.
Or, put it another way, she squeezed herself into a dress that was cut way too low and way too short.
The split tights (or whatever it was) happened with comic inevitability - Fern flashing a bare stretch of gleaming upper haunch as dance partner Artem Chigvintsev hoisted her into the air one last time.
All things considered, I think we can agree it's for the best that Fern was hoofed out of the hoofers show.
Now she should get back to what she does best - taking care of Philip Schofield.
Heaven knows, between mugging the PM with gossip he's found on Google and leaving co-presenter Holly Willoughby lost for words, he could do with all the help he can get.