Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 25 December 2014

Kate, just keep your clothes on

The Duchess of Cambridge
The Duchess of Cambridge

I like the Duchess of Cambridge. She's been a huge asset to the Royal Family and has helped repair a lot of the damage done by Diana, Charles, Andy, Fergie et al.

But she's in danger of giving me the bump, sorry, hump.

Maybe it was just the absurdity of seeing poor old Eamonn Holmes having to put on his most sombre face to grovel to St James's Palace and the nation after ITV's This Morning mistakenly showed one of the photographs of pregnant Kate in a bikini that have been gracing the covers of Italian and Australian gossip rags.

Has the world gone mad? So what? Get over it! If that's the worst thing ever happens to you Kate, you'll be very lucky.

The photos were taken on a public beach. Anybody wealthy enough to be able to afford a February jaunt to Mustique like the Cambridges could have photographed her.

If you don't want to be photographed in a bikini, Kate, stick some clothes on. You lead a life of extraordinary privilege. Surely it isn't asking too much for you to keep the royal goodies under cover and away from prying telescopic lenses?

Yes, it's a cruel, prurient, lustful and greedy world. It's not right, it's not fair but – to quote Bruce Hornsby and his Range – that's just the way it is. It's a truth that every Z-list celebrity, 24-carat star and famous person has to live with. We are not exactly in new territory here.

Continuing to blithely ignore the reprehensible realities of modern life is either the act of a fool or a person rather adept at keeping themselves in the limelight.

Either way, it is not a happy thought.

Wouldn't it be easier to reach for the sarong, Kate, and spare yourself some blushes and the general public a sad sense of rapidly diminishing sympathy?

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