Belfast Telegraph

Friday 29 August 2014

Spiders spin a web of fear for real men, too

Does his fear of spiders mean Johnny Depp isn't a 'real man'?
Does his fear of spiders mean Johnny Depp isn't a 'real man'?

Double standards, girls! In a 'his and hers' survey about what constitutes 'a real man', amidst all the usual bumph about eating quiche and washing dishes, it emerged that 52% of women think that a RM shouldn't flinch when dealing with the removal of spiders.

Being somewhat more self-aware, only 10% of men agree.

I'm with the men on this one universal self-evident truth: regardless of your gender, spiders are flat out scary.

Only a liar or buffoon would show no fear when confronted by one of those eight-legged freaks, particularly when they do that creepy fast scuttle thing in your direction. It's hardwired into our brains, – and with good reason, too. As any fool knows, all spiders are either tarantulas the size of a dinner plate – "honest!" – or an asbestos contaminated beast on the run in Wales and set to catch the ferry across the Irish Sea. Or, for cinema buffs, the solo spider is the harbinger of a massive (both in terms of numbers and size) radioactive spider army, hell-bent on wrapping us up in a web before devouring us inside out at their leisure. Look, I'm merely reporting the scientific facts, girls.

So give the guys a break. Fear is an equal opportunities employer.

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