When it comes to the red carpet, soap stars keep losing plot
No one expects much from soap stars.
It's downmarket, down at heel, downtown glamour - shiny suits, pencil ties, clingy dresses in primary colours and a lorra lorra orange.
We know all this. We like it. When it's in the soaps.
It's when it's carried on beyond the characters, the shaking sets and unbelievable plot-lines into the taxi cabs, the nightclubs and the awards ceremonies that it becomes something so grotesque as to be almost unbelievable.
Almost. If it weren't for the pictures.
And the weekend British Soap Awards really brought Red Carpet Carnage to a new low.
A Hollyoaks actress, Stephanie Davies, ended up in a clinch with a male model, her micro mini dress hitched up around her waist, and what remained of her fake tan pooled around her ankles as rain swept down upon the pair.
Corrie's Sacha Parkinson ended up drenched in a rickshaw, her carefully styled hair hanging limp about her shoulders, as she made her way to an aftershow party with TOWIE's Mark Wright.
And everywhere a riot of low slung dresses and thrusting cleavages.
What started of as tongue-in-cheek mimicking of Holywood's glamour nights out has become like Shaftesbury Square on Saturday night/Sunday morning.
Now they're playing it for real. They think it's all true, that they're huge celebs swept up in a world of unimaginable glamour.
What they don't realise is their journey to stardom has brought them no distance at all; they are as indistinguishable from the thousands of wannabees they used to be.