Belfast Telegraph

Monday 28 July 2014

How long do you think it'll last?

Wedding bells: Jordan is set for her third marriage, this time to Leandro

I've avoided writing about the exploits of Jordan for a while, much as I've previously found her compelling in a cute 'nadir of western civilisation' kind of way. She's become rather predictable and dull of late.

However I am drawn to the details of her proposed third wedding to the Argentinian model guy who looks like Man City's Aguero but I don't think is him.

We're pretty savvy these days about how celebrities like Jordan conduct their lives so that headlines can be derived from them. If nothing big is happening by itself, these people know how to contrive tabloid-luring drama, whether that means getting pregnant, confessing to abortions, or drumming up rumours of a health scare.

Marriage is one of the easiest column-generators, as Jordan proved with her last nuptials to a chap she could barely look at during the wedding.

So her third wedding - a 'rumoured' bikini beach job in the Maldives - is no surprise. What does give you a little jolt is the reminder that there's another party involved - the groom, reportedly a grown man with free will. Fiance Leandro is marrying for the first time and might not entirely get the whole Jordan thing (his inability to speak English may account for some of the misunderstanding). He is apparently keen on a traditional religious ceremony and wants arrangements to consider the involvement of his big Catholic family.

Poor lamb. Someone better explain what he's signing up for. It's just a cameo role, Leandro. And you don't get many lines.

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