Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 26 November 2014

Pippa Middleton's column hits a bum note with literary diehards

Pippa Middleton
Pippa Middleton
Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton lookalikes Roddy Walker and Hannah Williams in a spoof tour to promote photographer Alison Jackson
Pippa Middleton arrives for the launch party of her book in London
Pippa Middleton who was one of the guests at the wedding of Alex Roupell and Emma Logue in Holywood, Co Down
Pippa Middleton and Alex Loudon watching Centre Court action at Wimbledon
Pippa Middleton
Pippa Middleton's tan has been voted the most desirable skin tone of the summer
LONDON, ENGLAND - APRIL 29: Catherine Middleton with her father Michael Middleton and Maid of Honour Pippa Middleton is greeted by The Very Reverend Dr John Hall (C), Dean of Westminster as they arrive to attend her Royal Wedding to Prince William at Westminster Abbey on April 29, 2011 in London, England. The marriage of the second in line to the British throne is to be led by the Archbishop of Canterbury and will be attended by 1900 guests, including foreign Royal family members and heads of state. Thousands of well-wishers from around the world have also flocked to London to witness the spectacle and pageantry of the Royal Wedding. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)
Pippa Middleton who acted as a witness to the royal wedding.
Pippa Middleton
Philippa, aka Pippa, Middleton, sister of Royal Princess-to-be Kate Middleton

I made a 63-year-old man wince this week and I'm not proud of it. I was chatting to novelist Martin Amis about how much I hated name-droppers when I casually asked him if he'd heard about the newly announced Contributing Editor to that prestigious organ of highbrow investigative and cultural journalism Vanity Fair.

"Pippa Middleton?" The blood drained from his face. "She's going to do a column?" There was pain in his voice. "That is shocking."

Of course Amis' great friend Christopher Hitchens was one of the most celebrated of VF's recent contributing editors and his death is still mourned by readers.

"He would have been horrified," said Amis forlornly.

It's not Pippa's fault – who wouldn't say yes to an offer like that? But her appointment is very depressing.

A page announcing the appointment of the girl who 'stole our hearts' as 'Britain's most famous younger sister' is full of excitable claims about her being a 'keen observer of classic British pastimes' who will delight with her take on 'traditional English pursuits'.

There are quotes from her first dispatch on Wimbledon – she reveals what Roger Federer sometimes has for breakfast and offers a guide to players who are 'easy on the eyes'.

I sometimes find blind sycophancy towards the Royals quite amusing but the idea of Pippa's prissy prose replacing the contributions of that great chronicler of ideas, that racy, rambunctious lover and liver of life Christopher Hitchens, makes me tremble.

"He would have had words," said Amis grimly.

I wish he still could.

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