Belfast Telegraph

Friday 11 July 2014

Why Kim should just stay mum

Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian

You have to feel for Kim Kardashian. Yes, you read that right.

Having spent her entire career – you could call it a career but it's probably best described as 'time being a celebrity' – being a huge-cleavaged, big bottomed clothes-horse for figure-hugging designer gear, the woman now finds herself with a blooming pregnancy body that a professional lasso-artist would struggle to control. Yet she continues to fight valiantly on, pouring her huge baby-full belly and enormous jubbling boobs into bloodflow-suppressing little dresses that can be heard screaming as they're stretched, Braveheart death-scene style, to the very edges of survival.

She's made of tough stuff, Ms Kardashian and wife to be, or 'bitch' as he prefers to call her, of besotted rapper Kanye West. Much like pouting skinny minny Victoria Beckham, she knows her brand. And it's big, loud, ever-present and bum-based. Even when that bum is expanding more quickly than a balloon attached to a gushing water tap.

Ever conscious of their high profile 'naughty' TV personas, Kim and her sisters made a beeline for Russell Brand on US chat show Chelsea Lately this week. Kim invited Brand to join her and her three sisters on the couch and Khloe informed him that Kim was pregnant and Kourtney was still lactating and she was 'like raging waters' so 'you can get the best of everything.' Brand tried to bamboozle them with highfalutin vocabulary in his grateful, if slightly frightened response, but there's still no word on whether he managed to escape unscathed from the Kardashian clutches. Classy broads.

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