You can keep your celebrity wife swap
Who'd be an A-list Hollywood film star? Yes, the cash, the glory, the dresses, the vagina-shaped swimming pools would be fun for a while, but would they really make up for the hell that is the A-list relationship?
Jennifer Aniston has become the poster girl for disastrous Hollywood partnerships, but stand on Malibu Beach and look east - the streets are strewn with broken hearts and betrayals.
This week it was Renee Zellweger's turn to be humiliated in public as her "devoted" (five days ago) boyfriend, the Hangover's Bradley Cooper, dumped her with a quick text and allegedly moved swiftly on to his A-Team co-star Jessica Biel.
Who had just left Justin Timberlake after discovering that he'd been getting dangerously close to his Friends with Benefits colleague, the appallingly sexy Mila Kunis.
Renee will be nursing her wounds but at least now she might know how Cameron Diaz felt when the Bridget Jones star nicked Cooper from her a couple of years ago.
But don't feel too bad for Cameron - she cheered herself up by luring New York Yankees baseball hero Alex Rodriguez away from Madonna.
Who is currently too cut up about ex-husband Guy Ritchie's pending baby with new girlfriend Jacqui Ainsley to care.
Us normal folk might feel aggrieved about our humdrum lives but in humdrummery often lies stability and perspective.
Or maybe it's just limited access to gorgeous people which keeps us together.
Regardless, I'd rather miss out on the parties than spend my time wondering if the next one will introduce my husband to his new wife.