Bert and Ernie aren't going to be anybody's puppets
They've lived together for yonks, shared the same bedroom (and possibly bed; I wasn't paying attention).
Their names go together like horse and carriage ...
So isn't it high time Bert and Ernie got married?
Bert and Ernie who, you may be asking?
The only Bert and Ernie you can think of are a couple of Muppets. Exactly.
We are now seriously discussing formalising relationships between foam puppets.
The campaign to have the pair walk (or shuffle) down the aisle with each other has been spearheaded by well-intentioned supporters who believe it will help promote tolerance of gay relationships and families. A serious and important subject, granted.
But this is Sesame Street not Coronation Street and from my recollection its inhabitants are generally too busy serenading the Number of the Day or identifying colours to devote time to relationships.
Is there anybody actually married on Sesame Street? If Bert and Ernie tie the knot won't the puppet masters also have to address other issues such as single-parent families, extended families, divorce, maintenance, adultery ... ?
Before you know it, you're back on Albert Square with all sorts of convoluted affairs.
And no time at all for singing songs about the joys of six. Anyway the show's creators have now put the kibosh on speculation about Bert and Ernie and how closely their strings might be entwined.
The pair will not be getting married, a statement insists.
"They remain puppets and do not have sexual orientation."
Sanity (of sorts) has prevailed.