It will be game on for Olympics ...won't it Boris?
Published 19/07/2012 | 08:00
London 2012 - their time, their place.
The Olympics, we're assured, are a UK-inclusive event in the hosting sense. But as the opening ceremony has hovered ever near, it's become clear it's less about the rest of us, more about London.
In fact, mostly about one man - London Mayor Boris Johnston who has hogged the limelight with all the tenacity and immodesty of a breast-baring Madonna.
Hair artfully arranged into askew, Boris blusters on despite security meltdown. (Police and army have been drafted in to pick up after security firm G4S dropped the baton on guard recruitment. Who's looking after the rest of London?)
Never mind. Light that torch and let chaos begin ...
First test for newly-arrived athletes has been the bus lane marathon. It took four hours to reach the athletes' village, one competitor tweeted. "Need a pee," he bleated like a five-year-old in the back of the family Ford Fiesta. Are we nearly there yet, Boris? Boris maintains the new Olympic traffic lanes will work. Hmmmm ... .
A photograph of one stretch of thoroughfare shows converging sections of broken white lines. It looks like Banksy has drawn a zip on the road. Good luck with that one drivers ...
Next up is that security hurdle (although no-one from G4S appears to be facing the high jump.)
Then there's the wash-out weather endurance event ...
It's not quite Beijing, is it? In Beijing such was attention to detail that the regime fired missiles into the clouds to ensure clement weather and supplanted a child singer on stage with a more winsome six-year-old mime artist.
Here, it's all chaos and confusion and failure to deliver. It's the Ulster Bank of Olympic Games. Still. Never mind security force redeployment and traffic congestion - on with the show!
Sneak preview of opening ceremony rehearsals shows actors dressed as medical staff pushing beds. Maybe it's a reference to the British fondness for a charity bed push. They're not planning a protest on NHS trolley waits, surely?
Possibly when it all gets under way, it'll all be grand and we'll be entranced, entertained and captivated by the competition.
We can but hope, Boris ...