Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 23 July 2014

Sorry Martin, but you just don't have the X Factor!

After his unsuccessful attempt at the Aras, Martin McGuinness continues his quest to make it to No 1.

Next up? Martin McGuinness does the X Factor ... ?

Louis: "Hello! And who are you?"

M McG: "My name's Martin and I think I have what it takes to win."

Louis: "OK Martin, tell us a bit about yourself. It says here you used to be in a boy band. Were you in a boy band Martin?"

M McG: "I left that band in 1974, Louis. I never even signed a contract with them. There is an unhelpful media fixation with all of this, Louis. We need to concentrate on the present not the past. I have been singing about peace for years. People know me as a peace singer. They know about my contribution to peace singing. That is what they care about Louis. The media ... "

Louis: "OK, OK Martin. Let's hear what you've got. What are you going to sing for us tonight."

M McG: "Suspicious Minds."

Louis: "Great! An Elvis song. Do you think you could be the next Elvis, Martin?"

M McG: "I think I could be the next Nelson Mandela. Or the next Dalai Lama. Or Bono on a good day."

Louis: "OK Martin. Off you go."

(Martin sings.)

Louis: "Martin I have to say I really like you, but I just don't think you have what it takes to make it to the top.

"You're going to have to stick with the day job. Hmm ... you do have a day job to go back to, Martin?"

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