Outside of a power struggle within the Chinese politburo, there are few processes more baffling to the onlooker than the annual appointment of Miss World.
Already with Miss Ireland (a potential challenger for the global crown) we've seen regime change. Miss Mayo was unceremoniously removed from office after it was discovered she was a whole two years older than qualifying age. At the advanced age of 26 she's now considered past it in leggy-lovely terms. Ah well, perhaps someday in future the Glamorous Granny title awaits ...
The ancient Miss Mayo was subsequently replaced as Miss Ireland by our own Miss Antrim but there are now fears that Miss Antrim herself may also miss the Miss World final. Miss Antrim has - horrors! - a small tattoo on her right ankle.
This was missing from view during the Miss Ireland contest (the clever girl covered it with make-up) but has since resurfaced in old photographs along with claims that it may bar our girl from the main parade. Apparently Miss World rules ban tattoos.
Meanwhile, Miss Vita Liberata (no, me neither) is reported to be upset after she was stood down via Facebook.
Newspaper reports helpfully point out that of the final Miss Ireland contestants, 10 have the non-regulation tattoos and three wouldn't meet the height requirement.
Whatever will they make of it all in Outer Mongolia where, comically enough, (I think anyway) the Miss World contest will be held later this year?
Dozens of youthful, towering tatt-free contestants from all over the world will presumably be in attendance.
If we don't get our act sorted here, will they even miss Ireland?