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This election had more drama than a month of EastEnders

Published 13/05/2015

Brotherly love?: Ed and David Miliband are at loggerheads with each other
Brotherly love?: Ed and David Miliband are at loggerheads with each other

Hell hath no fury like a brother previously backstabbed. You think a woman scorned is bad? She's a pussy cat compared to David Miliband. With his younger brother now licking his electoral wounds in Ibiza (where else, since it's all gone Pete Tong?), Miliband the Elder hasn't spared his sibling's feelings with a scorching critique of Labour's recent meltdown.

"I think there is absolutely no point in blaming the electorate," he sniffs. "Any suggestion that they didn't 'get it' is wrong. They didn't want what was being offered."

In a way you can't blame David for getting the boot in. Not after the way Ed had stuck the knife in. But while the ongoing battle between the brothers may be predictable, what about the rest of Westminster?

How come just about everybody there now seems to be angry and annoyed about something or somebody?

Just how annoying was Election 2015? Let me count the ways ...

The Tories, despite their unexpected win, are annoyed at the BBC on account of perceived Leftie bias in the run-up to the poll. Why this bothers them, I'm not sure. Even if the charge is true, it didn't exactly bring about Labour landslide. If a Tory victory is what comes of having the Beeb on Labour's side, it doesn't suggest the station has a whole lot of influence in the first place.

And not just Auntie Beeb. There's also Auntie Austerity ... or as he prefers to style himself, revolutionary Russell Brand. Russ, who was formerly anti-voting, had firmly weighed in on Ed's side. But again, despite the comedian's impressive online following on The Trews, he failed to sway the electorate.

Maybe voters just don't like being preached to?

Russ is now annoyed with politics. Full stop. Perhaps if he'd backed the one winning party the pollsters actually got right, the SNP (the Tartan Trews?), he'd have retained some political credibility

Everybody, of course, is now annoyed with the pollsters who got it so wrong.

How could this have happened, the experts ask? Could it just be that people polled sometimes tell porkies?

At least the exit polls got it right. And the pollsters did predict that despite losing the Scottish referendum, the SNP would clean up, up North (a classic case of that party, having lost the battle, winning the war).

Those victorious Scots Nats, though, are now annoyed that the Tories are refusing a second pop at referendum.

Meanwhile, Nigel Farage is annoyed with the entire voting system since his Ukip polled more votes than the SNP and Lib Dems put together but, while those two parties got almost 300 seats between them, he ended up with the same number of MPs as Lady Sylvia Hermon.

The old leaders of New Labour (Blair, Mandelson, etc) are now annoyed with the new Labour leaders who wanted to get back to old Labour.

Which leads us to new battles for replacement leaders. In the wake of spectacular defeat, Farage, Miliband and Clegg have all fallen on their swords, although Farage appears to be bouncing back due to his own demand. No bounce back, however, for Labour's Ed Balls and all those other big beasts felled by this most fascinating election.

It gave us three leadership resignations, two kitchens and one tombstone of promises. It brought us a post-election selfie of Karen Danczuk's cleavage, Boris biking into Downing Street and the collapse of Speaker John Bercow's marriage after his somewhat attention-seeking wife disclosed she'd become so disillusioned with Westminster she'd had an affair with his cousin.

A week is a long time in politics? This one has been a corker.

In the last few action-packed days Westminster has brought us more angst, drama, backstabbing, name-calling, big name comeback, family rift and marital upset than a month of EastEnders.

The pollsters got it wrong about neck-in-neck. They're all at each other's throats.

Greedy legal eagles? Guilty as charged

Without wishing in any way to upset my learned friends, I think it would be fair to say that members of the legal profession do have a reputation for expecting hefty recompense for their labour.

Let's just say the consensus is that they're not always behind the door when it comes to the billing process. Which is why I always smile when I see that new ad campaign promoting their work. A.S.K. it spells out. A Solicitor Knows. To which I imagine a few people might be tempted to add: H.T.C.

How To Charge.

Profession should act like it's 2015

Female equality. We're all for that, aren't we? Take, for example, the acting profession. Those whom we used to label "actresses" now prefer to be called quite simply actors.

Quite right, too. Why make a distinction? Which makes me wonder why it is that come an awards ceremony, such as the Oscars or this week's Baftas, there are separate gongs for Best Actor, Best Actress (won by Georgina Campbell), Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress and so on. Is there any other profession that farms out awards in terms of gender?

Shouldn't it just be Best Actor - end of?

Belfast Telegraph

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