Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 31 August 2014

Why Myleene Klass's advice is not my cup of tea

Yummy mummy: Myleene Klass says she offered breast milk to friends
Yummy mummy: Myleene Klass says she offered breast milk to friends

Hard-to-stomach celebrity revelation of the week? It has to be that bizarre announcement by Myleene Klass, self-appointed spokeswoman for the Breast Milk Marketing Board, that she has offered her breast milk to her friends.

And that her da used to have a drop (donor unspecified) in his cup of tea.

The Americans have an odd fondness for the word "gross". But here is one occasion where it truly comes into its own.

Gross. Vile. And utterly, utterly yuck.

Ms Klass, in fairness, was promoting the benefits of breast feeding at an event to raise awareness about Third World poverty.

All the same ...

Advocating breast milk for babies is one thing. Attempting to shove it down the throats (so to speak) of the adult population is something else entirely.

And Myleene isn't on her own here. The extreme wing of the Breast is Best movement would have you believe that any young mother who bottle-feeds her baby is a neglectful witch, leaving her small child susceptible to all sorts of infections and allergies.

She isn't and she doesn't.

If women choose to breast feed – great. But opting for the bottle is perfectly fine too.

It doesn't actually make you a bad mother if you go for the SMA.

Try telling that to the yummies.

For the growing cult of smug mummydom is all about the one-up-womanship of those who not only think they do maternity so much better than everyone else – but also feel compelled to let the world know how.

In far, far too much detail.

You can't fault any parent for boasting a bit about their kids. It's only natural.

But this is something more.

Fuelled by social networking sites there's been an explosion in mostly maternal trumpeting that's not just about "how lovely is my child?"

More about "how amazing am I to have had one?"

It's the new female equivalent of the old male "notches on the bedpost" thing. Claw marks on the birthing pool.

These women (and we all know one) see their lives defined entirely by the fact that they've produced children and feel this has somehow elevated them right to the top of the sisterhood.

Certainly, before other women who haven't had children.

Or other mothers (most mothers?) who just don't think that the world – outside, possibly, of close friends – is really all that interested in hearing about their labour, their lactation and the bowel status of their budding little Picasso/Einstein/Beyonce.

To use a Belfast saying with dairy (non breast milk) content, if some of these women were chocolate they'd 'ate' themselves.

Sorry girls.

But you're not so yummy mummy as you think.

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