Belfast Telegraph

Lonely Hearts go from bad to verse...

By Nuala McKeever

I love the community paper that comes through the door for free. It makes great readin’ when you’re standing in the kitchen of a morning, eatin’ your toast over the sink.

So last week I’m browsing the Lonely Hearts ads on the back page — all the people who want to be as loved up as Frank and Christine — and thinking: “I can’t believe someone gets paid to come up with the headlines for these!”

Cos they’re usually pretty cheesy, with things like “We Can Relate” and “Overture to Love?” for the people who don’t say anything too specific in their ads, right through to the more tailored variety, like “M, 51, likes to cook ” which gets the headline, “A Man for All Seasonings” (see what they did there?).

Then suddenly my eye was caught by one title which stopped me mid toast-bite. I can only assume the writer was momentarily distracted by someone in her or his family saying “Awww there’s not enough veg left for my dinner!” and the writer, (probably a mother or father working from home) replied: “Och don’t worry, you can share my carrots.”

How else can you explain an ad, from a man, looking for a cute woman, no more detail than that, with the title “Share My Carrots”.

Share My Carrots? Sounds like “Leave My Stash Alone” might be next Lonely hearts headline writer, do explain!

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