Belfast Telegraph

Friday 19 September 2014

No slim times at Jubilee parties

Regal look: The Queen at the start of her reign

The average waist size of a woman in the UK has expanded from 28 inches to 34 inches since the Queen’s been on the throne.

Six inches in 60 years.

If she stays on it much longer, we’ll not be able to find anything to fit us in the shops at all.

So when they cite all the things the Queen has given us — dignity, tourism, continuity, heritage, respect etc — we can now add love-handles to the list.

Thank God there’s someone to blame for that extra roll around the middle!

Here was me thinking mine was down to eating too much and not moving around enough.

But no! It’s all down to QEII!

I wasn’t planning to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee next weekend, but now that I’ve discovered that my spare tyre’s all her fault, I’ll be first in the queue for the street party. Bring on the chips and beer.

God bless ’er, and all who waddle in her wake!

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